Happy 35th Birthday, Michael Fassbender! Here Are Some Things People Have Said About Your Penis

"I would like to thank Michael Fassbender for taking over the frontal nude responsibly that I had. Really Michael, honestly, you can play golf like this with your hands behind your back. Go for it man, do it!"

"Your penis was a revelation. I'm available to work with it any time. I have to say that I was truly impressed that you chose to play it big. Most other actors would have gone small, trust me. I know because I've worked with them."

"I guess the question that I'm clumsily struggling with here is, is it as hard on you as it is on the character?"
[more acting talk and innuendo]
"That's quite a lot to shake off."

"I'll be going to therapy now."

Shame begins with the actor naked and laid out on post-sex bedsheets like a strip of raw bacon.

"[Actors] sleeping around? I don't think it's a cliché. You're traveling around a lot and perhaps lonely and you want some kind of connection again. You're in a position where people treat you differently. Maybe a lot of people are in denial and think that it's down to their looks and their charm that a lot of women proposi­tion them, but the fact of the matter is they are living what appears to be an attractive lifestyle. Your opportunities are multiplied again, so there's more of a buffet of choice.

I think you just have to keep an eye on things. I'm not immune to any­thing, but I'm aware of my weaknesses and the beast within. Like anything, if you feed it enough times, it starts to take control. That thing of being seduced, you've just got to be careful. But...that's no guarantee that I'm not going to go crazy and destroy the sweetshop."

MTV: When did you know that you had a celebrity penis?

MF: Once I saw it on a 10-foot screen.

"Magneto lets it all hang out.
...
That makes Fassbender the ultimate X-man."

"The real breakthrough [at Telluride], though? Probably Michael Fassbender's penis. (And also his face, and his Skills Of Acting!)"