• Thu, Mar 22 2012

DMX And His Dick Need Asshole Therapy, More Than Couples Therapy

Before watching Vh1‘s new reality show Couples Therapy last night, I had no thoughts on the rapper DMX. He rose to fame when I still buying Backstreet Boys CDs and trying to memorize the lyrics to Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week.” If I heard one of his songs, I would nod and say this sounds familiar. But odds are that I would probably be lying.

So last night’s premiere of Couples Therapy was my first glimpse into his life, his personality and his social skills. And let me say I was not impressed. With him or his dick. Especially since he claims, in his first talking head segment, that the reason he and his wife Tashera Simmons are estranged is because of “his dick.” Which is a neat way of saying, because I cheated on her and fathered four children while we were still legally married. For a has-been rapper, I thought a little humility would have been nice. Especially considering the show he’s attempting to make his comeback on.

And yes, that’s why he’s there and that’s why all the “celebrities” are there. They want another chance in the spotlight and this show was their only way to get it.

Couples Therapy’s basic premise involves inviting 5 D-list celebrity couples to join a team of psychologists, therapists, and residential treatment counselors in one house so they can solve their relationship problems and marital woes. Even though the star doctor, Dr. Jenn Berman, counsels celebrity couples privately, I just don’t really believe that relationship issues get adequately resolved in the reality show environment. Especially when all the celebrities there have the same ulterior motive: get 15 more minutes in the spotlight.

However Dr. Jenn Berman thinks she can work miracles and diagnoses DMX’s problem as “a celebrity who is doing whatever he wants, despite the impact on his family and loved ones.” Yes Dr. Berman’s a regular genius.

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