Lindsay Lohan’s Life Is Begging For A Lifetime Movie

Now that (Jeremy) Linsanity is over, let’s bring on the Lindsanity. Ever since Lindsay Lohan “came back” as the host of Saturday Night Live in the beginning of the month, we’ve been hearing a lot about her. What is this, 2009?

Today’s Lifetime movie worthy plot involves a porn star, sex and Michael Lohan. Three words you probably didn’t want to see strung together before noon. Well sorry, welcome to Lohan-palooza 2012, where every story you read makes you vomit a little in your mouth.

So here’s the deal. Porn star Alex Torres, who goes by the screen name Voodoo, claims he paid LiLo a sex visit while her father, Michael “shoulda have had a state-mandated vasectomy” Lohan slept in the same house.

“Ask him [Michael Lohan] if he knows about that night I had with his daughter while he was sleeping upstairs,” Voodoo says. “I’m not joking!”

First things first, do we trust porn stars named Voodoo? Stupid question. Of course we do. Moving on, we get to the fun part of the story. The part that you know Lifetime will have the most fun finding a soundtrack to accompany it.

Voodoo alludes to the fact that LiLo paid him for sex. He never comes right out and says it, but he says, ”many of these Hollywood celebrities pay me a high price dollar to come and satisfy them. I’m not joking!”

So not only do we now know Linds might have paid Voodoo to sex her up, but we also know he’s not joking around when it comes this stuff. He’s not a stand-up comedian, he’ s a porn-star-hooker. He’s not joking about Michael Lohan sleeping while he bangs her daughter (I feel like Voodoo would use the word bang, right?) nor is he joking about being paid to have sex.

This news on top of the news last week that Lindsay had sex with Terry Richardson on top of her entire life really makes me believe that the “Moment of Truth” movie script is already in the works.

Her life has everything you need for a killer TV movie: horrible parents, underage plastic surgery, overage plastic surgery, drugs, drunk car chases, inappropriate sexual relations, people named Voodoo, an illegitimate sister, a lesbian phase, house arrest, rehab, more house arrest, a controversial hit-and-run and a tentative connection to Jamie Lee Curtis.

What more could a screenwriter ask for in a movie?

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