You know those nights when you just can’t sleep because everytime you close your eyes a million crazy thoughts race through your head? From stressing about your job to debating whether Jessica Simpson is carrying octuplets to worrying about your family to questioning if it’s too late for you to becoming an Olympian equestrian. No topic is off limits when it’s 3 A.M and you’re half awake. So instead of taking a train ride on your brain’s Crazy Town express, you decide to turn on the TV and watch whatever horrible infomericial is on.
If you’re this kind of person, then great news, you’re going to love Fashion Star. Just set your DVR to record it every Tuesday (all 90 totally necessary minutes of it) and watch it when you can’t sleep. While Jessica Simpson’s country voice will keep you awake, the fashion designs will certainly put you to sleep. Zing.
The show played like one long commercial with several commercial breaks in between. The basic premise is “competition reality show” and it includes three mentors (Jessica Simpson, Nicole Richie, Jon Varvatos), one supermodel host (Elle Macpherson), and so many hopeful talents with sad backgrounds and big dreams. Oh and they throw in three judge-like figures from Macy’s, H&M and Saks to also offer strong opinions and helpful advice to the contestants. Basically they googled “how to make a reality show” and just copied and pasted from Wikipedia.
Unfortunately, they forgot to google “how to create a show that people will actually want to watch,” because the 90-minute premiere barely held my attention. The clothing, like everything you see in H&M, was functional and somewhat trendy. But it wasn’t exciting. Nothing made me whip out my credit card and order the clothing when the show ended. Which you can do, as they remind you several times throughout the show.
And if you choose buy all the items featured on the show, you get a hotel-quality bathrobe, 6 Shake Weights, a knife that cuts through steel, a Power Juice inside a Magic Bullet, a Bumpit and hell, they’ll even throw in a Tony Little’s Gazelle!
Or so I’m guessing. Just like an infomercial I faded off at the end of the show and missed the grand finale.