Forced Labor Isn’t The Worst Idea When It Comes To Jessica Simpson’s Womb

Guys, look at this photo of Jessica Simpson. It looks like she’s carrying octuplets in her boobs alone. God knows what kind of elephant child is currently residing in that mega-mansion of a uterus.

I’m not sure if J. Simps and Hilary Duff are in a competition for who can be pregnant longer or if she’s going to try to hold out so she and Vanessa Minnillo can give birth on the same day or what. Either way, it feels like she’s been with child for approximately 11-19 months. This can’t be healthy for anyone at all, least of all her 67 pound baby.

I think it might be time to force her into labor or to pop her or to make her give a big, emotional speech to an ex (that always makes water break in the movies). Whatever we do, we gotta do it soon. Otherwise she’s going to become known as that celebrity who was pregnant forever and not the celebrity who made the most epic mom jeans mistake to ever be made.

#PopJSimps2012. Is anyone with me?

(Photo: Radar)

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    • Shawna

      You’re a dick.

    • Megan

      Seriously? People like you are the reason there are 85 pound 14-year-olds making themselves vomit their dinners back up because they just don’t feel skinny enough. Since when is it unacceptable for a woman to actually gain weight when she’s pregnant, rather than bust her ass to stay stick thin because GOD FORBID she should weigh more than 100 pounds. Then the vultures like you will swoop in and announce to the world how hideous they think she is. Grow up and get over yourself. For what it’s worth, I sincerely hope you get pregnant and gain 150 pounds. When that happens, I hope someone says the very same things to you that you said in this article.

    • Alina

      Jessica is only 5’1″, and the shorter a woman is, the more the pregnancy shows. And this article was just mean-spirited

    • Lisa

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t find this blog post funny. Before you insult a beautiful woman who is carrying a child, why don’t you 1) get pregnant yourself and see how you fare and 2) post a photo of yourself if you are obviously so much better than everybody else. Oh wait, you are just an average-looking super-self-entitled 20-something New Yorker who has no experience with anything as important as bringing a child into the world. Maybe someone should write a blog post critiquing aspects of your body that you are insecure about… we’ll see how funny that is.