Jersey Shore Field Notes 5.10: One Meatball Stands Alone

Jersey Shore Field Notes are a detailed account of MTV’s hit show. As written by an anthropologist.

2:00: Mike “The Situation” tells Jionni he “hooked up” with Snooki, leaving the details vague.

3:00: Jionni tells Snooki what Mike told him; she tells him not to believe it, and he says that he doesn’t.

4:52: Mike and Sammi are perplexed by Jionni’s lack of reaction to the news.

5:33: Snooki tells Mike she’s never going to be friends with him, ever again. “Nicole, stop,” Jionni says quietly.

6:25: Snooki launches several pickles at Mike.

7:35: The males agree that Jionni’s lack of anger is a sign he is cheating on Snooki.

8:35: Snooki tells Jionni she wants to be with him forever, if he can handle her forever.

9:33: Snooki suggests the gang go camping.

9:50: A spontaneous food fight breaks out. The subjects flings hot dogs and potato salad at one another.

10:50: Mike and Snooki food fight each other in an aggressive, personal fashion. “I’m not scared of you, bitch,” she shouts.

12:47: The food fight escalates. Mike accuses Snooki of cheating on Jionni with Vinny, as well as himself.

13:14: Snooki rubs her small, food covered body all over Mike’s bed.

13:50: Snooki yells at Mike, emitting many curses and high-pitched bleeping sounds.

15:42: The gang buys camping supplies, including lots of toilet paper.

16:26: The Meatballs bid farewell to The Shore Store.

17:00: Deena calls Joey and invites him to hang out. Snooki expresses disapproval.

17:40: Deena admits she is “rushing myself into a relationship” because she’s surrounded by couples.

18:20: JWoww expresses disapproval that Deena has asked Joey on a date.

18:50: The males berate Deena for dating Joey.

19:50: Pauly answers the duck phone, tells Joey Deena can’t go out because she’s sick. Joey says “this is a joke,” hangs up.

21:00: JWoww picks up the phone, talks to Joey: “When I smell a snake, I call him out on it.” Deena is impressed.

22:30: Deena is upset that Snooki doesn’t want to go to the club with her. (She is busy cuddling with her mate.)

23:50: Deena tells Jenni she’s sad about being the only single girl in the house. “I’m upset. I’m embarrassed…it’s like, one meatball stands alone.”

24:50: Pauly D mocks Vinny for bringing home a “thick” female.

25:00: Vinny justifies his decision: “I need a little variety in my diet.”

26:15: Pauly D refuses to go camping: “guidos do not belong camping.”

27:18: After everyone else leaves, Pauly D and Vinny announce their desire to “prank the [bleep] out of them.” They enlist the help of Danny, their former Shore Store boss.

29:00: The guidos arrive at the camp site. Deena expresses fear over being “in the wilderness.”

30:00: Mike and Jenni pitch their tents with ease, while Ronnie and Sammi struggle to pitch theirs.

30:50: Pauly and Vinnie proceed to turn the house inside out for a “prank,” perhaps not realizing that it’s their dwelling, too.

32:20: The males on the camping trip almost start a forest fire.

33:33: Pauly and Vinny set up astroturf and a pool in the living room, remove personal items from their roommates’ rooms.

34:16: Mike attempts to burn a live tree, which is much larger than the grill. He refuses to “put down the fire.” Deena: “He’s like one of those people, a hermaphrodite or whatever.”

35:00: The Situation paces restlessly around the perimeter of the campsite. JWoww: “Mike is a schizo right now. He makes me feel not normal.”

36:10: Deena expresses sadness that they no longer have “meatball days” or “girls’ nights.”

37:00: Deena: “I feel like I lost my meatball.” Snooki thinks she’s just jealous.

38:00: Morning. Deena is disgusted by the presence of bugs, wants to leave.

39:00: Jenni is annoyed at Mike for refusing to remove the spider from her clothes for her. The gang leaves the camp site somewhat agitated.

40:20: Snooki is the first camper in the door to find the house “pranked.” “WHAT IS THIS?” she cries.

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