The pendulum just keeps swinging back and forth on season 9 of One Tree Hill: We’re switching between jaw-droppingly dramatic plots (like Julian leaving baby Davis in the car) to absurd moments (like the Shakespeare-quoting Russian gangster) that our necks are sore. And honestly, it’s the best thing that Mark Schwahn can be doing in the show’s final season—why not give fans everything they want? However, that doesn’t stop it from being laugh-out-loud funny when it happens.
The Nathan kidnapping plot has lulled over the last few episodes, after we determined that he’s not dead and Haley finally turned to Dan for help. He’d already figured out that the best link they had was drug dealer Dmitri, who seemed to know the kidnappers. But Dmitri already knew who Dan was.
That’s where Haley comes in.
What’s weird is that at first we see her talking with Brooke and asking for a favor. So in the above shot, I assumed it was Brooke dragging some old high-school outfit out of her closet. But no, it was Mrs. Haley James Scott, who had to – yes, had to – conjure up her skankiest self and sashay into the bar where Dmitri was. Because when you need to get your husband back, you flirt shamelessly with Tree Hill’s underbelly. The fact that they wanted us to take this completely seriously was just amazing.
Poor Dmitri just isn’t very smart. After buying Hales a ton of shots and using several shudder-worthy pick-up lines on her, he follows her outside — in broad daylight! Even sleazier than we thought — and Dan and Haley whup his ass. One more .gif:
TV writing lesson: When in doubt, dress up your most demure character as a slut and then have her beat the shit out of a drug dealer while screaming at him. Oh, One Tree Hill, I love the way you write. And then we end with this badass shot of Haley putting on her sunglasses while Dan finishes the job with Dmitri:
Only four episodes to go!