Jersey Shore Field Notes are a detailed account of MTV’s hit show. As written by an anthropologist.
1:38: Deena questions Snooki and Vinny about their sexual tension. Pauly tells her to “stop trying to get into my man’s pants.”
2:43: Joey calls to tell Deena he can’t meet up with her at Jenks. She is sad.
3:30: Deena is annoyed at everyone for being party poppers. “Why have a shore house if you’re just gonna sleep?”
4:30: Pauly D sees former castrate Angelina, avoids her.
5:00: The Situation posits that there should be a butter named after him, because he’s so smooth.
5:54: The Situation attempts to copulate with his female.
6:15: The female gets “shy,” the Situation is annoyed.
6:35: Pauly finds out his female is menstruating, sends her home.
7:40: Mike sends his non-DTF female home.
8:40: Mike has ordered breakfast but he has no cash to tip the delivery boy. Gives him a protein shake instead.
10:30: JWoww and friends go to the sex store to shop for supplies for her one year anniversary with Roger.
11:33: Jenni tells Deena that Joey is “bad news.”
13:14: Mike is killing it at selling t-shirts. “My Shore Store performance is on mythical proportions today.”
14:50: Pauly and Vinny commiserate about how many of their roommates are partnered.
16:16: Mike plans to give Snooki “her medicine” by telling everyone her secrets.
17:04: Pauly and Vinny plot to “retake” the smush room because too many partnered people are using it to copulate. Deena catches them putting the mattress out on the porch.
19:30: JWoww arrives with sex supplies to find the bed gone. “What the fuck happened to smush bed?”
20:34: JWoww brings the filthy smash bed back inside, decorates it with rose petals and bondage equipment as per her original plan.
21:35: Vinny sees the set-up, refers to it as an “old person smush room.”
22:50: Roger arrives, is stoked on JWoww’s preparations.
25:55: Snooki runs into Jionni’s parents at Karma, has a drink with them.
27:11: Deena accuses Joey of hanging out with her for the wrong reasons. He denies it. Sammi expresses concern nonetheless.
28:30: The Situation and his friend The Unit plot to give Snooki “a taste of her own medicine.” (What medicine?)
29:40: Vinny complains about all the “grenades” in the club. (Unattractive females.)
31:13: Mike knows that Snooki knows that he is trying to ruin her relationship.
32:40: Denna wants to know if Joey likes her or he’s just using her to copulate. He grows agitated and walks away.
34:45: The Unit is extremely intoxicated. Mike tries to sober him up so he can help him ruin Snooki’s life.
36:10: The Unit is arrested for unclear reasons. Mike is upset that his plans for the night are ruined.
38:00: Ronnie advises Mike on how best to get Unit out of the “seaside slammer.” Mike decides he needs to handle “the situation” himself.
39:50: Jionni gets water from the kitchen while Snooki is still sleeping. Mike sees his opening: “This is my moment.”