So last night J. Lo’s areola came out to say hi when she presented the award for Best Costume Design and the world exploded with excitement. Finally, something happened at the Oscars that was worth tweeting about! But then her stylist, Mariel Haenn, had to get all publicist-y and deny that the mysterious nipple-colored skin right in the place where a nipple would be was a nipple. She says:
“The Oscar dress was custom made for Jennifer by designer Zuhair Murad. The dress fit perfectly to her every inch. There were cups built in and there’s no chance that there were any — how do you say? — ‘slips.’ While the dress did give the illusion of sheer-ness, the joke’s on everyone who wishes they saw something!”
Um, actually it didn’t fit perfectly because a lot of people saw her areola. But deny away Mariel. While you’re at it, here are a few other things you should deny on behalf of all the Oscar nominees.
1. Billy Crystal’s aging naturally and his tight fitting skin was fit perfectly to his face. That’s why it was so smooth and wrinkle-free.
2. Angelina Jolie looks healthy! Why she must eat one million cheeseburgers a day. Her limbs just give the illusion of being breakable.
3. The Dictator randomly chose to spill Kim Jong Il’s ashes on interview-robot Ryan Seacrest. There was no way he wanted to embarrass him publicly on TV.
4. Rooney Mara has teeth. And the ability to smile. She just chooses not to smile on red carpets. Her lips fit over her teeth perfectly, down to the last inch.
5. Kelly Osbourne deserves to speak about red carpet fashion on national TV. She totally has opinions, it’s not her fault that everyone looks ah-mazing in their gowns. While her commentary gives the illusion of stupidity, the joke’s on everyone else because she’s a true fashionista.