Last night George Clooney‘s gal pal Stacy Keibler attended the Oscars dressed as an Oscar, making her not only That Guy, but also a pure, inspiring symbol of the American dream. Only in this great country could someone start out as a lowly cheerleader, then work her way up through the competitive ranks of the WCW Nitro Girls and Stuff Magazine to achieve the ultimate goal of sleeping with someone who gets invited to the Oscars. Let’s take a look back on how she got here.
October 14, 1979: Stacy Keibler is born in Baltimore, MD. She begins training immediately to lose the baby fat and acquire Maxim-worthy abs.
1997: Keibler becomes a cheerleader for the Baltimore Ravens football team but is ultimately fired for being so athletic she makes the other cheerleaders look bad.
1999: Keibler defeats 300 other women in hand-to-hand combat to win $10,000 and a spot in the WCW’s Nitro Girls dance troupe.
2000: Keibler simultaneously attends college, cheers for the Baltimore Ravens and performs her duties as a Nitro Girl. Jeez.
2001: Keibler grows famous in the WCW for flashing her panties, wearing a wedding dress, a whole lot of other nonsense.
2001-2006: Keibler joins the WWF, participates in more weird wrestling plot lines, some actual wrestling.
2006: Keibler uses her dancing skills, athleticism and 10-foot-long legs to place third on Dancing With The Stars.
2010: Keibler breaks up with little known actor Geoff Stults for pranking her on the popular MTV show Punk’d. Stacey Keibler hates pranks. But it’s all right, because she’d rather date George Clooney, anyway.
2011-present: Keibler is dating George Clooney! Her life is complete.