• Fri, Feb 24 2012

Jersey Shore Field Notes 5.8: In Which The Gang Gets Wet

1:00: The group is still at Karma. Males are fighting for the right to grope JWoww.

1:36: “Karma’s a bitch,” Ronnie explains, on the subject of why it’s a bad idea to attack someone at Karma.

2:10: Snooki wants to “get it in” with Jionni, but he has to throw up.

2:54: Snooki stands at the bathroom door impatiently. “Why the fuck are you puking right now? Let’s have sex!”

4:00: JWoww is also impatient to smush, expressing displeasure that Roger is eating with her roommates rather that copulating with her.

4:50: Roger says he is “in love”…with a sandwich.

5:47: JWoww throws workout gear at Roger in a fit of horny rage.

6:20: Ever the romantic, Snooki is determined to have sex with Jionni immediately: “I never see you, let’s just bang it out.”

6:50: Snooki is angry with Jionni for being “a sucky boyfriend.” She climbs into bed with him, then tells him not to touch her.

8:00: Deena suggest doing something different: “We could go to a dock and fish. We could go to a dock and like, crab.”

8:35: Vinny: “I already got crabs last night at Karma.”

9:00: The Situation asks the equipment salesman for advice, noting, “guidos don’t crab.”

9:55: One of the males has caught a fish!

10:13: JWoww catches some crabs and gets excited.

10:20: The crabs escape back into the ocean.

11:00: The Situation decides to give up on fishing and sunbathe.

11:10: The group pranks him by putting a crab on his chest. He is upset: “Not cool, bro.”

11:50: Snooki and Deena decide to get into an inflatable raft.

12:50: The Meatballs row under the dock by accident.

13:30: Ronnie lets the air out of their boat. JWoww yells at them that there are sharp objects around, but they think she’s saying “shark!”

14:22: The Meatballs panic and capsize.

14:40: Mike: “You know how you catch a Snooki? Pickles.”

15:12: The car smells just like the smush room.

17:00: Pauly D discusses his new stalker. Her name is Vanessa, and she likes to follow him around and stare and him. Pauly D is uneasy. “It’s messin’ with my blowout.”

17:50: Vinny tells a woman DTF stands for “down to fish.”

18:40: Mike threatens to ruin Snooki’s hypothetical wedding to Jionni, citing feelings of protectiveness towards her.

20:00: Mike and Snooki made a bet when playing a yard game: whoever loses must wear a bunny suit (which Snooki has named “Lola”) to Karma that night.

21:00: Inevitably, Snooki loses.

21:37: Ronnie: “If I was a bunny, and I wanted to bang bunnies, I’d bang Lola.”

22:30: Snooki mimes copulating with females while wearing the bunny suit.

23:00: JWoww: “It’s not just a normal night at Karma. It’s a Lola night at Karma.”

23:30: Mike calls himself the “hunter and gatherer of the house” where females who are DTF are concerned. To prove it, he presents a DTF female to Pauly.

25:00: Snooki and Deena hop a fence to take a night swim on the beach, feel like naughty criminals.

25:48: The cops show up and address Snooki by her Christian name: “Nicole! Time’s up.”

26:30: The cops kick the Meatballs off the beach. Deena starts hitting on the cop, posits that “in real life,” he’s “like, a really good time.” She is unsuccessful.

28:17: Snooki wakes up still drunk and feeling “like fricking ass.” She decides the solution is to go to the bar and drink more.

29:00: Snooki and Ronnie toast “to Lola.”

29:40: Snooki buys Ronnie a miniature motorcycle he’s had his eye on.

30:00: Ronnie pushes Snooki drunkenly down the boardwalk on the bike. They almost hit an old person.

30:30: Ronnie lets go and Snooki falls over.

32:00: Pauly’s stalker reappears at the Shore Store. JWoww: “She’s so fucking creepy. Pauly, your girl is creepin’ me out right now.”

32:36: Pauly fears his stalker might murder him: “I’ll be DJ Pauly Dead!”

33:00: Jenni confronts stalker Vanessa, asks what’s in the bag. Finds something heavy wrapped in a blanket: “It’s either Pauly’s hair, or a chainsaw.”

34:10: Talking to Jionni on the phone, Snooki says she is freakin horny, can’t wait to do various explicit things with him.

35:14: Jionni no longer wishes to talk on the phone with Snooki.

36:06: Vinny takes Snooki out on the boardwalk to cheer her up.

36:40: The two pretend to be an elderly couple as they dance together.

37:30: Snooki starts flirting with Vinny.

38:00: Vinny says that Snooki is wasted and she shouldn’t do any more shots.

39:00: Vinny declares himself and Snooki “the Ross and Rachel of the Jersey Shore house.”

39:48: Vinny says they both need showers. Snooki jokingly suggests they shower together.

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