Renaissance heiress Paris Hilton is back on the scene with a new single, and oh, what a single it is. It’s like Bret Easton Ellis and Saul Williams had a baby together, dropped it on its head, and then raised it on a steady diet of champagne, diamonds and and mobile technology.
Created in collaboration with electro production duo Manufactured Superstars, “Drunk Text” is truly a masterpiece for our time, a perfect confluence of poetry and rhythm. Here are some of its most brilliant lines:
“It was just a drunk text/In my head I was writing a fiction of us”
“My mouth kept pouring desperate clauses of random intent”
“I’m too lazy to type, so I send a photo I took up a dancer’s skirt and told him to come get it”
“It’s a hot mess of misspelled obscenities, body parts, and run on questions I’m not sure what it means to ask”
“I’ll be damned if I end up in some lame diner after this, last night’s lingerie in my purse”
“No one is safe in the twittersphere anymore”
Hilton’s words capture the hideous beauty of another night at the clurrrb in a way only the saddest and most thoughtful of heiresses could. Here’s hoping she continues to gift us with her brilliant insights.
Just kidding, I do not think this is good at all. Here’s some actually-really-great spoken word to cleanse your brain:
In all fairness, though, I’m pretty sure Paris Hilton wrote the words herself, and they seem to show a glimmer of self-awareness. I never thought I’d say this, but the Kardashians‘ next-level idiocy has actually managed to make me miss her. Don’t ever leave us again, you beautiful bitch.