• Thu, Feb 23 2012

Crushable Presents: The Oscars Cheat Sheet To Winning Your Oscars Party

7. The Artist

Actual Plot Summary: Major silent film superstar, George Valentin (Jean Dujardin), helps to start Peppy Miller’s (Bérénice Bejo) acting career only to be screwed over when her talking film makes more money than his silent film venture — bankrupting him and sending him into a deep depression. After his dog Uggie saves him from a fire he accidentally started in an emo “I hate my failed career” mood, Peppy casts him in her newest film and encourages him not to commit suicide. If it sounds like a “very special episode of Glee,” that’s because it is. Except in this one. Mr. Schue is French and he never speaks.

Line to Make it Sound Like You Saw the Movie: Move over Step Up: 4D, George Valentin’s dance skills will make you want to throw your first three movies into a burn-down-the-house fire.

8. The Descendants 

Actual Plot Summary: After a tragic jet-ski accident throws his wife into a coma, Matt King (George Clooney) must come to terms with the fact that his wife was cheating on him with local realtor Brian Speer (Matthew Lillard) and that his troubled teenage daughter Alex (Shailene Woodly) hates him. A journey to find and confront Brian Speer not only helps Matt to develop a relationship with his daughters, but also to realize that he doesn’t want to sell of his family’s land — despite all the money it will make him and his relatives. Despite being a fatherless playboy (US Weekly‘s words, not mine), he pulls off the “father” role by wearing short sleeve Hawaiian shirts throughout the film.

Line to Make it Sound Like You Saw the Movie: It’s not that I didn’t appreciate Judy Greer‘s role as Brian Speer’s wife, but isn’t it time that she get a leading lady role? Also, did you guys see those topless Shailene Woodly photos that Drew Barrymore randomly shot a few weeks ago?

9. Midnight in Paris

Actual Plot Summary: Gil (Owen Wilson) is a struggling screenwriter attempting to write a novel and (naturally and obviously) gets transported to 1920′s France during a family vacation to Paris. Over the next few nights he goes back and forth between the past and the present, meets several famous authors and artists and falls in love. When his 1920s love Adriana (Marion Cotillard) decides to accept a job in the 1890s, Gil realizes that he has to return to the present. With the help of Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates), he realizes his fiancee Inez (Rachel McAdams) is cheating on him, breaks up with her and decides to remain in Paris. If final season Carrie Bradshaw and your art history textbook had a baby, it would be Owen Wilson’s character in this film.

Line to Make it Sound Like You Saw the Movie: Woody Allen can do no wrong!

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