• Wed, Feb 22 2012

A Little Advice For The Female Fetus Inside Kourtney Kardashian

Dear Female Fetus inside Kourtney Kardashian,

First of all, I guess I should address you by your real name. While your mother hasn’t tweeted it out yet or sold that information (as of press time), I’m just going to have to guess. In grand Kardashian fashion, it will probably start with an M because your brother Mason’s name starts with M. And since your family loves spelling names a little bit differently (yep, grandma’s name is Kris with a K), it’s probably going to be something like Mneumonic or Mrebecca.

So anyways Mrebecca, congrats on your first OK Magazine story! You look awesome and I love the way you wear your mother’s uterus on the cover…looks like someone was paying attention at Fashion Week.

I just thought I would tell you a few things before your birth gets filmed in front of a live audience and you’re stuck having to pretend to smile when all you really want is someone to cut off that damn umbilical cord.

First of all, your dad, Scott Disick, is a huge tool, a giant douche and a walking piece of human shit. It’s not your fault that your mother (and the E! marketing team) has horrible taste in men. But you should know that off the bat. Also, he wants his hair to look like that. That look is intentinal. I know, take a moment and think about that.

Second, you should know your aunt Kim’s having a rough year. Actually, rough might not cover it. Your auntie Kim Kardashian’s entire career is in the hands of  her ex-husband Kris Humphries and his legal team. (Don’t choke on that placenta, you read that right, Kim married someone with her mom’s name.) She might have made a little boo-boo by marrying him and divorcing him in some kind of crack-brained PR scheme gone horribly wrong.

Thirdly, you’re a reality star! It’s cool-ish. Here’s how it works: most kids only get one mom and one dad, but you get one mom, one dad, an entire camera crew and your friend Mr. Boom Mike. They’re all super friendly and only want the best for you. As long as what’s best for you is also what’s best for ratings. It’s complicated, but by the time they film your first birthday in Vegas, you’ll totally get it.

So yeah, welcome to having a sex. That’s pretty neat!

See you on a sonogram tweet,

Jenni

 

 

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  • Em

    Jenni,

    All I see in this post is jealousy. How about a little advice for that small minded thing inside your head called a brain.
    First of all, Kris Jenner’s name starts with a K, because her name is Kristen, if you were at all serious about whatever it is that you are doing, you would realise that it is important to do a little bit of research and get your facts correct, before you start writing, “OMG how dumb is that, that her name starts with a K, and her name is Kris!?”.

    If you are looking to get anywhere in life, how do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you sound like a bitchy 13 year old girl?
    How about you put yourself to some good use and start writing about things that sound intelligent, and that most people will enjoy reading.

  • Sarah

    Who the hell talks like this? what a bitch… Your not funny, your a disgusting person, and that is an UNBORN child that you are talking about!!! You sound like a jealious 12 year old girl talking about people you don’t even know and have never met… Get off the internet, get over yourself, and get a life…