• Tue, Feb 21 2012

Gossip Girl Power Ranking: ‘Cross Rhodes’

Lily and Serena on Gossip Girl 5x16 "Cross Rhodes"

Do you remember back at the beginning of the season when Serena was a PA in Hollywood, and Nate was hooking up with a much older woman, and Chuck was acting recklessly, and Dan was unpublished, and Blair was hiding a pregnancy? Do you remember that? Look how far we’ve come over 16 episodes. Most shows don’t make this kind of progress over two seasons, let alone three-quarters of one. I wouldn’t be surprised if this show takes place on a Mars colony by the season 6 premier. Here are this week’s rankings:

Character

Rank

Last Week

Trending

Comments

Chuck Bass

1

2

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Stand back everyone, Chuck’s doing work! He hatched a diabolical plan to paint Dan as a plagiarist and had sex with his literary agent without even taking off his tie. If Chuck keeps that kind of behavior up, he’ll be the perennial number one on this power ranking.
Dan Humphrey

2

7

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Dan really showed me something this week. He took his UCB mocking like a sport, told Blair exactly how he felt about her, and stood up to Chuck.But in typical Dan Humphrey fashion, his disappointments were legendary. His second book proposal was an alternate history of Manhattan as a monarchy and he produced dialogue like, “He loves you not in spite of who you are, but because of it.” That kind of junk will sink a ranking faster than an Italian cruise ship. 
The Real Charlotte Rhodes

3

4

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Charlotte doesn’t want anything to do with the Rhodes family, but the Archibald’s are A-OK? Does she know Nate’s cousin tried to kill him just because he was getting too much attention from their grandfather? That’s Maury Povich level dysfunction. The Rhodes have their issues, but they barely rank a Dr. Phil.
Nate Archibald

4

3

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I guess Nate got his run early in the season, because it looks like he’s been benched. Did he do anything in this episode? He lent Ivy his phone, which was polite. He came to see her at the UCB theater, which was thoughtful, and he let her stay at his place when she asked, which was a no-brainer. Other than that, he stood around and looked good in a suit. Down one spot.
Serena van der Woodsen

5

8

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It seems Serena has accepted Dan and Blair’s new relationship, although her look when she saw them kiss at the end of the episode suggests otherwise. Until I see something different, her magnanimity pulls her back up the ranking. I’m really pulling for this girl. It’s a burden being so beautiful.
BlairWaldorf

6

5

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Blair sure has a lot of free time for a crown princess. Do you think Kate Middleton just strolls down to the West End and joins Les Miz on a lark? No. That poor girl’s locked down tighter than Bobbi Kristina(too soon?).Stringing along both Chuck and Dan is a full time job though, so I guess Blair needs the time. She’s already a princess. Is it really necessary for her to have EVERYTHING she wants? I think she’d be perfectly happy tarnishing her wedding vows with either one of them. 
Ivy Dickens

7

6

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Could things get worse for Ivy? She’s been revealed as an imposter, shunned by her adopted family, and to top it all off, CeCe goes and dies on her. Now she’s turning to Georgina for what I assume will be a failed attempt at revenge. Somebody needs to tell this girl that bad decision have a way of magnifying themselves. If someone doesn’t slow her down, she’ll be waiting tables at Scores by the season finale.
CeCe Rhodes

8

N/A

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When you die in an episode you place last in the ranking. That probably doesn’t need to be explained. By the way, the arrow only references her trend for the show, not her eternal destination. I’d never claim to know CeCe’s standing with the Almighty.
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