Michelle Duggar’s Tips For A Happy Marriage Are Predictably Stepford-esque

In this week’s premiere of TLC’s 19 Kids And Counting, human baby factory Michelle Duggar gave a talk at a conference about how to have a happy Christian marriage. The general jist of it was this: do everything your husband tells you to, and if he abuses you, it’s probably your own fault. Chris Brown‘s supporters are totally on board. [tagbox tag= "19 kids and counting"]

Some blogs have gotten a hold of the complete broadsheet that Duggar handed out, and while it’s nothing I didn’t expect from her, the advice is still shockingly retrograde and sexist. Here’s the first little bit (I’ve bolded the worst parts):

Seven Basic Needs of a Husband

1. A husband needs a wife who respects him as a man.

How does a wife destroy her husband’s manliness?

A. By expecting him to know what protection you need
1. Physical
2. Spiritual
3. Mental
4. Emotional
Tell your husband how he can protect you.

B. By being financially independent
1. Love is killed by self-sufficiency
2. Whoever controls the money controls the leadership.
Center your work and your ministry in your home.

C. By giving greater loyalty to outside leadership
1. Pastor and church leaders
2. Men and women Bible teachers
3. Relatives and friends
Ask your husband your spiritual questions. [ed: You know who else isolates their women from outside support? Spousal abusers and cult leaders.]

D. By resisting his decisions in your spirit
1. A wife’s spirit controls her husband’s ambitions
2. Reviewing past failure destroys a husband’s self-worth.
Learn to wisely appeal to your husband

E. By resisting his physical affection
1. This is the unspoken crushing of a man’s spirit.
2. A wife’s Godliness is a powerful guard against her husband’s abuse of her (I Peter 3:1).

Other areas covered include weight (God thinks you should go on a diet!), social interaction (shut up and listen admiringly to your husband!), and a strange fixation on the message conveyed by a woman’s hairstyle (I guess because she’s not allowed to talk?):

Then again, what else can you expect from someone who stumps for Rick Santorum? Go here to read the whole ridiculous thing.

(Via Faith Goes Pop)

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    • LCT

      What. The. Hell. Is. This?

      Ugh. This kind of nonsense is what kills me about both the Duggers and all the uber-fundamentalist Christians out there. It’s so uncomfortable for me (as I claim the same general faith that they do) to see this kind of message being disseminated (hah!) as somehow being representative of the whole Christian community. Trust me, it most definitely isn’t, and I know for a fact that one of my husband’s (also a Christian) favorite things about me is my independence. So phooey.

    • M.

      I don’t really get the point of this article. I think you’re looking far too deep into her “rules” just for the sake of making fun of them. The Duggers are a good Christian family who loves each other, and it seems to be working for them, so why knock it? It doesn’t seem like it’s bad to
      A)communicate with your husband (because he’s not a mind reader, uhm, hello?)
      B)Work together with making and handling money instead of being secretive, because YOURE A FAMILY UNIT,
      C)talk to your husband about your problems, especially spiritual ones if you’re a christian, which, THEY ARE, before you talk to your sunday school teacher (duh!),
      D)Encourage, forgive, and be generally nice and/or pleasant to your husband, or
      E) Have sex with him. Gosh darn it, wives having sex with their husbands?! I know its a new concept but stick with me here, it happens to help marriages.
      And as for the diet thing, its not exactly brain surgery to figure out that just maybe you should try to stay healthy and attractive both for yourself and your husband. Would you want him to let himself go and get gross looking? I didn’t think so. This article is ridiculous and petty.

    • Katrina

      I must be a terrible wife because I have a sassy, short hair cut and am very independent. My husband and I support each other in our ventures, but they are our own and we make our choices based on our own beliefs but love each other anyways. Our marriage must be the worst.

      • Ruth Brown

        Don’t listen to Michelle duggars you sound a wonderful wife and Michelle duggars is very bad mum and wife

    • sweetpea

      whatever u may think about these people, calling her a baby factory is just plain rude. as long as they are able to take care of them why does any one care how many kids they have?

    • owlz

      Michelle, and any woman who choses to follow her advice, has just as much right to her beliefs as anyone else. Diversity doesn’t just apply to the trans, cis, queer communities.

    • Karen

      people should not pass judgement, if it works for their family then so be it .do what works for your family but don’t criticize what someone else believes in

    • Daphney Oliveri

      Jim Bob Dugger must be the “horniest” man in the state of Ark. Just because they don’t believe in birth control for women there is birth control for men…but then you “can’t buy used and save the difference” in this case!…so they will go on having babies no matter what health issues the babies will have or until it kills the mother. I hate to think what will happen to those kids when they get out in the “real world” and face the realities of life…It’s like their family is a Christian cult. Most kids are raised with their family values then go out in the world to live the life they choose. These kids are clearly brainwashed…I grew up in a Christian family and if we questioned any of our parent’s beliefs it wasn’t accepted. The older kids are labor for their parents. Only their oldest son is married even though the parents say he had to “cut the cord” when Josh married. Josh’s wife and kids in tow are still traveling all around the world…I’m sure on TLC’s dime! When the parents get older, be assured they’ll have their kids in their home waiting on them hand and foot. Do the math…when the youngest kids are in their 20 or 30′s…think of the ages of their parents? Hearing their political support of Santorum is because of his religious beliefs…bashing Obama…Romney, because he’s Mormon…Gingrich because of multiple marriages…I don’t agree with everything Obama does but the Republican candidates don’t leave much to be desired. Duggars…go ahead and support the canidate you want but living by biblical principles…bashing others who believe what they think is best for our country isn’t biblical. Read the Bates website…they are just as bad when it comes to politics. No one will be surprised when Michelle has severe medical problems or could possible die because of the abuse she’s done to her body over populating the world….

    • LKH

      Why do these comments surprise me at all. You people go run your mouths about Christians and how they are not tolerant of others and how they should accept the behavior of everyone around them whether it be the gay and lesbian community and all the ungodly behavior in this world today but you want to jump all over a christain lady that is putting out information to other christian ladies who want to hear this information and you condemn and run her down and make your stupid judgemental comments but God forbid that a Christian make a comment about their faith or what they believe and stand for. You think that everyone has rights except Christians. Where is your tolerance. Christians have a right to their opinions and the right to speak just like you do. You are the hypocrites, pretending to be one way but you are exactly the opposite of what you expect out of others.

      • Carol

        LKH: At last, someone dares to defend Christians. I totally agree with everything you have said. I am so weary of everyone (even some Christians) being “politically correct” and afraid to identify right from wrong, and when we do we often end up apologizing for daring to disagree with someone. That Michelle Duggar chooses to honor and reverence her husband is what God wants. If God is for it, He is more than the world against it.

      • ajsiders

        Well said, LKH! Bottom line, it’s total hypocrisy when the masses claim they want tolerance for all–while they relentlessly mock Christians! These are the same people who are campaigning against bullying, yet are blind to their own bullying of others with different beliefs. Respect.

    • Brandi

      I really don’t get it. If you don’t like it why write an article about it? Why is it wrong for her to teach her daughter how to be a good wife as her faith and family see it? Why is it okay for the Kardashians to have sex tapes, multiple failed marriages and not be taught a single thing about being a wife or a woman? Respect is respect for all people. They are a select fundamentalist group called Quiverfull so they really aren’t representing all Christians. I’m Christian and I respect their family and life but I don’t subscribe to all of their ideas! They don’t represent me and what I believe only I can do that! I think they have done a dang good job at raising a large family even before TLC came along, they were self sufficient and debt free. I certainly would rather my daughter be like one of their daughters than Kim or Snooki. There are not enough mothers in this world that teach their daughters how to grow up (no matter what they believe) they let TV and Facebook do that and unfortunately there continues to be more and more vacant, insecure women out there as these young girls grow up without direction. I applaud Michelle for taking the time to train her daughters instead of passively allowing them to figure things out and have a beat up and bruised sense of self. Why is it so hard to live and let live? I don’t see Michelle writing articles about any articles on this site highlighting all the things she disagrees with…

    • DDM

      Do I agree with these? No. Does that mean I have to pass judgment? Absolutely not. I’m not planning on living my life this way and if you don’t like it, you shouldn’t either. But if it works for them, then great. Good for them. None of my business.

    • Audrey

      It’s COMPLETE hypocrisy when the masses claim they want tolerance for all–when they mock Christians. These are the same people who campaign against bullying, yet are blind to their own bullying of others with different beliefs. RESPECT is RESPECT. To Jamie Peck: I highly doubt you would criticize another person as you did Mrs. Dugger, if they were Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, etc. If you did, the amount of flack you would receive would be so intense, you would have to retire your “writing” career. Come on people, rise above! We are perfectly able to realize that we are all different. Stop bullying!

      • shell

        THANK YOU! That is EXACTLY what was on my mind. It’s like when others are tolerant of racism when its minorities poking fun at whites. Inequality is inequality, no matter whom is putting the other down.

    • Shelly

      Hair length? Come on! How mean to Christian women such am myself who have very thin hair and hardly any of those thin strands. Not nearly enough to even grow to my shoulders. I strongly desire to use my hair to please and honor my husband. Michelle – please advise how you would feel about yourself in my situation. I don’t think it’s godly to pay to have hair extensions. I cannot afford hair extentions What do I do to honor my God and my very godly husband? Help me please. I am confused and saddened over this problem. I follow all your other rules. God bless you for being such a great Christian role model.

      • Shelly

        I didn’t intend to type the world “mean.” I meant “hurtful.” Very, very hurtful. Painful, in fact. Something I’ve struggled with for years.

    • jdypat

      Im waiting for one of the girls, or one of the boys even to write a book.

    • LNJ


    • boosey

      Funny how she talks about the husband protecting his wife.how is her husband protecting her when he saw her almost die when she was pregnant with nmber 19.had to have emergemcy csection.the baby nearly died.but he is still wanting her to risk her life yet again so he can say hey look at me i got her pregnant again.obviously he is NOT protecting her.npw she is at least 3years older now so makes another preg even more dangerous.