• Wed, Feb 15 2012

6 Philosophical Questions I Have After Watching ‘Real Housewives Of Orange County’

1. Which way does it all go back after you have a baby?

Heather tells a charming story at Vicki’s dinner party about how after having her fourth child, “it” doesn’t all go back the same way. Then followed this up with a classic OC line about being thankful that she’s married to a plastic surgeon. So which way does it all go back if you’re not married to a plastic surgeon? I shudder to think about it.

2. Is it mandatory to eat your boyfriend’s regional cuisine? Even if he’s not there?

At Vicki’s dinner party she insists on serving cajun food in honor of her relationship with the Southern Prince Charming, Brooks. But the ladies aren’t having it. Sucking on a crawfish and risking their latest lip enhancing surgery? Yeah right. Eating food out a trash bag while being filmed for national TV. You’ve got to be kidding.

3. Where’s the line between anxiety and reality stardom?

While Peggy doesn’t say it, she l-o-v-e-s being on reality TV. But, here’s the catch. Fighting with the ladies (and possibly making herself look bad)  gives her so much anxiety — and after her attempt to reconcile with Alexis this week fails, she’s done. So done. That’s it, she’s not going to be on the show anymore. Or is she?

4. How big is Heather’s house?

This actually isn’t a snarky, double-meaning  philosophical question. This is an actual question. After watching her and her family prepare to leave the house for Yom Kippur (I think that’s where they were going), I’m genuinely interested in seeing a floor plan. Her closet’s the size of my childhood home and her garage could double as my entire extended family’s living space. She has an elevator with room for the whole family and a staircase that rivals Titanic’s signature staircase.

5. Do you need to have a reason to give someone a card?

So Southern Prince Charming Brooks, or SoPrCharooks for short, sends Vicki lovey-dovey cards all the time. For no reason. Besides of course the fact that he loves her so much it makes him run out to the Hallmark and purchase every single card. Even condolence cards (that he can send to himself because he misses her so so much).  But Tamra’s not okay with this. Her steadfast no-exceptions card rule? Cards are for birthdays and nothing else. NOTHING.

6. How do women in the OC find the quadruple time needed to look good?

As Alexis has her hair done by a professional in the middle of her house, she tells us that women in the OC spend quadruple the amount of time as other big city women to make themselves look presentable enough to leave the house. That’s a lot of getting ready time. Quadruple? If we assume other big city women from like NYC, Des Moines and Tallahassee spend an hour getting ready each day, then it takes the women of the OC four hours. Four hours! That’s basic quadrupling math. So I’ll go out on a limb here and just assume their getting ready ratio to being outside with the public ratio is like 12:1.

[Photo courtesy of Bravo]

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  • Jasmine Galvin

    OH MY GOD! Alexis needs to get pimp slapped by Peggy.That fake ass text about her being a stalker,how christian of you. Dont be mad at anyone but yourself for marrying that loser-liar. If everyone that slept with your husband came forward at once it would probebly cause an earthquake. PS you are a dits, notice your husband said in a wife he wanted sexy and classy, not smart and good christian mother. Its all about image for you both. Peggy would’ve been a fool to admit that on national tv withou having a good reason to she was probebly embarrased! I would be!