Jersey Shore Field Notes 5.6: The Art Of War (And Partying)

14:30: Snooki determines that her intestines are in bad shape after last night’s party, as she feels the uncontrollable dual urges to vomit and defecate. She compares herself to the Italian food staple of marinated meatballs. Whereas the confessionals in the Real Housewives franchise have the specimens narrating with several weeks’ perspective, the MTV producers seem to call in their specimens during the action, as evidenced by a nauseous Snooki stumbling in and out of the confessional room.

14:44: Snooki combats her nausea by brushing her broom over a bare mattress and then curling up with the broom. Could she be unconsciously imitating the archetype of a witch?

15:15: Roger calls to warn JWoww that he’s running late, but she is perturbed that he doesn’t value her time. She calls him out for socializing with his cohorts on the beach, and eventually drives him into cancelling their interaction for the day.

17:10: Deena and Snooki dress identically for their job—an attempt to distract potential predators?

17:25: Pauly’s boss Danny mentions that they require new hangers, but Pauly turns it into an assertion of his power: “Any decisions, you gotta run by me.”

18:07: Snooki and Deena engage in a type of play called “the follow game,” where they dodge their employers’ attention by zigzagging through their place of employment and then slipping out.

19:28: Danny goes to find Snooki and Deena while Pauly slips into his place. Could this have been a complex plot for Pauly to usurp power?

19:40: Pauly observes a female — wearing the same pink trucker hat — lurking outside the store. Her habit of making constant eye contact is likely to either jog his memory of a past smush or lure him into a new one.

21:13: Deena and Snooki escape the store again to imbibe liquor with a stranger.

21:35: Danny tells Pauly to pass on the empty threat that his roommates “will be in trouble,” signifying his impotence as an employer.

22:04: JWoww makes an unprecedentedly cultured reference — when discussing Pauly’s stalker — the 1990 thriller Misery starring Kathy Bates.

23:14: Snooki observes, selfishly, that she prefers mopey and rejected JWoww as a party partner.

23:33: Vinny posits that Pauly’s female admirer “doesn’t want to be your girl; she wants to be your stalker.”

24:06: The Situation is distraught to awaken and have his support system stripped away (i.e., everyone has left to party). He wrestles with his ambivalence over isolating himself to sleep all day and feeling abandoned when his roommates leave without him.

24:57: “Are you down to 507?” Snooki asks Deena. It is unclear if this is a sexual reference like DTF or perhaps the area code of a past mate’s phone number.

25:12: The Situation is confused at Snooki treating him like a best friend, including discussing her health issues (“I have a UTI, I’m chugging along”). For now, a truce seems to be in place.

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