• Tue, Feb 7 2012

Gossip Girl Power Ranking: ‘The Backup Dan’

Gossip Girl 5x14 "The Backup Dan" recap

This episode could be reduced to a few simple questions like, “Where’s Blair?”  Or, “Have you seen Blair?” Or, “If you don’t tell me where Blair is, I’ll do something terrible to you.” Other than that, nothing happened. Nothing. When the reruns air, I’d change this episode’s title to: “Dan and Blair Sit Around in an Airport and then a Hotel While Other People Wonder Where They Are.” See, you read that and you don’t even need to watch. I just saved America 42 minutes. I hope that time’s used well. With that in mind, here’s this week’s power ranking for 5×14:

Character

Rank

Last Week

Trending

Comments

Anonymous Airport Hotel Room

1

N/A

U+2193.svg

The real player this week was Blair and Dan’s hotel hideout. Other than Bair’s wedding, this was the place to be seen in NYC if you’re rich, famous, and young.
Blair Waldorf

2

6

File:U+2191.svg

You might think resigning herself to a year in a gilded cage would be enough to drop Blair into last place on the power ranking, but here, character counts. Blair took the bullet for her family so they wouldn’t be saddled with a crippling dowry (read: ridiculous plot device), and declared her independence for the first time by telling Chuck they could only be together as equals.
Dan Humphrey

3

2

U+2193.svg

Dan killed himself for Blair this week, and I can’t figure out why. Does he love her? The final shot of him staring at Blair’s departing limo with a serial killer’s intensity suggests he’s up to no good. Whatever happens to him, I hope it ends in a long prison sentence.
The Real Charlotte Rhodes

4

N/A

File:U+2191.svg

So the commoner Nate was hitting on last week was actually the real Charlotte Rhodes. She’s back this week and she came to play, turning down Nate Archibald’s romantic overtures. I’m not sure this girl knows what she’s getting into.
Nate Archibald

5

7

File:U+2191.svg

Nate failed to impress for the second week in a row. He eavesdrops on a single phone conversation and decides the new girl is a worthless liar, and then changes his mind after a call from one of his friend’s mothers. Nate wants so badly to be his own man, but I guess he can only do that when Lily tells him it’s okay.
Serena van der Wooden

6

4

U+2193.svg

Serena had another tough week. Dan lied to her about Blair, she took the fall for the uploaded video, and was rejected by Dan. Someone needs to remind this girl she can have any man she wants. Presidents! Poets! Nobel Laureates! Me! Instead, she wants certified hack Dan Humphrey. It’s enough to make a man ill.
Sophie Grimaldi

7

N/A

U+2193.svg

This woman is evil. EVIL. She blackmailed Blair’s mother with a dowry, which may be the first time that’s happened since the Middle Ages. Who knows what she’s capable of? (Side note: The Principality of Monaco must be thrilled to have their royals portrayed as amoral lunatics. It’s like The Tudors, but with less plague.)
Chuck Bass

8

3

U+2193.svg

If Chuck were one of my buddies, I’d take him out for a few beers (I’d make him pay, of course), and let him vent. If he keeps holding in all his pain, he’ll snap, and destabilize the European economy in a fit of jealous rage. My 401(k) just can’t take that.
GeorginaSparks

9

1

U+2193.svg

I knew there was no way Georgina was Gossip Girl. They didn’t fool me one bit (they totally fooled me). When the real Gossip Girl returns, I’m sure she’ll unleash a campaign of personal destruction against Georgina that would make Mitt Romney blush.
What We're Reading:
Share This Post: