Dear America: Let’s Agree To Get Over The Jennifer Aniston And Angelina Jolie Love Triangle Saga

Dear America,

Come over here. Yeah right here. Just want to have a quick chat with you about your neverending obsession with the Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt love triangle. It’s absolutely out of control. Just today quotes came out from InStyle’s March issue came out where Jennifer says, “The triangle with my ex-husband – and that there’s a feud there. It’s constant. It’s a story headline that won’t go away, but it’s a money thing.”

How is this still constant? They divorced in 2005. For any non-Physics majors reading this, that’s 7 years ago. And we all know that with America’s pop culture ADD, 7 Hollywood years is equivalent to 100 human years.

Let’s go over some other pop-culture news from 2005 that your probably forgot:

  • Michael Jackson is found not guilty of child molestation charges. Meaning what? He was still alive in 2005.
  • The movie Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire came out. That’s the fourth movie. So four movies came out after that one.
  • Hitch was in theaters. Yeah that movie that you’ve now seen 67 times on TBS was in actual movie theaters.
  • The most downloaded song of the year was Gwen Stefani’s “Hollback Girl.” Can you even remember a time when that song sounded new and didn’t annoy you?
  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got engaged.

Suri Cruise’s daily jacket choices aside, are we still talking about any of these events? No. They’re no longer relevant and we no longer care. We have a pop culture attention span of six minutes. I’ve already heard people say that it was Nicki Minaj who flipped everyone off at the Super Bowl halftime show. Give it another week and the story will be that Gisele Bunchden marched onto the field during halftime and verbally flipped us the finger.

So why then are we still talking about the hypothetical affair between Brad and Angie on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith? And why are we still insinuating that Angie sank her claws into Brad and dragged him away from a completely happy marriage? Maybe Brad had an affair and maybe he didn’t. I don’t know.

But here’s what I do know. Happily married people don’t have affairs and they don’t just leave their wives in a spur of the moment decision. I”m not a marriage counselor and I can tell you that. Brad and Jen divorced because there were already problems in their marriage before he met Angie.

And that’s why it’s time for us to move on. It’s time for us to let go of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s star-crossed marriage. It’s over. It’s been over. Brad Pitt has 6 children with Angie now and Jen is seriously dating Justin Theroux. They’ve said goodbye to their marriage and it’s time we do the same.

Seriously yours,




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    • Racquel

      Oh gosh and I thought I was the only person saying’s been 7yrs and 6 babies later. No one knows the detail but the party involved and if we freaking what it’s been 7 yrs now. Can we please let brad and Angie gush over each other, kiss, hold hands, or speak in admiration for one another without te media and Jen fans throwing Jen in the mix. He wasn’t happy before Jen so he decided to leave and become happy, and now we see him happy with a beautiful woman and beautiful kids. Jen has found love I guess with her new man. All of the drama and lies the media has caused is ridiculous and hopefully no one believes the garbage that’s being printing about these people. Please let’s move on because they have

      • Jenni Maier

        The media thinks it’s actually impossible to mention Brad and Angie being happy without referencing Jen.

      • Guest

        You’re just as bad as those who believe the lies since you imply that only Pitt and Jolie are happy (“I guess” when referring to Jen’s new love despite her actually saying and looking happy for years). Newsflash: Pitt himself said he doesn’t believe in happiness, so he ain’t happy (and he rarely looks it). And it isn’t just some Jen fans that perpetuate the triangle talk – plenty of Brange fans bring the comparisons as well. If it didn’t attract hits and sell mags, the media wouldn’t run with it.

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    • Mart

      Right lets get over now since Jen has just stole Heidi Bivens man. Jen better be glad Heidi has class and not playing the pity me party like Jen did the last 7 year.

      • HappyGoLucky

        Err… you need to update your gossip. JT’s and HB’s relationship was already broken before he hookedup with Jen. He had already moved out, their relationship was on and off a few years before the split was made public AND even Heidi’s mum, in an interview, mentioned the date when they split and it was no where near the date Jen “stole” Justin from her…it was an entire year before

        geesh people… you need to verify your celebrity gossip!

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    • Jenni Maier

      I think everyone from all sides and sadly all gossip media outlets keep the story alive. We just have to stop clicking on these stories and saying things like “team Jen” and “team Angie.” And while we’re kinda on the topic, we need to stop acting like Jen is the loneliest woman alive live who will do anything to get pregnant.

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    • rainey

      can’t stand Angelina–oh so good for her, she adopted kids from Africa..what’s wrong with the good ole USA…she is a bitch…can’t even stand looking at her.
      Used to like Brad, but don’t have too much respect for him either recently.