Crushable’s Guide To The 2012 SuperBowl

People from New York generally hate people from Boston. And this animosity is increased any time the two cities face off in major sporting events.

It also helps that people from everywhere else in America can really stand the NorthEastern corridor, and whenever this happens, everyone chooses a side they hate least. Use this to your advantage.

Commentary (dependent on your audience):

"Man I love watching people from New York/Boston lose."

Last time The Giants faced The Patriots in the Superbowl, Jets fans could console themselves with the fact that another local team was playing in the big arena. But this year, The Giants helped end The Jets season.

Acceptable commentary (whenever The Giants screw up):

"Rex Ryan wouldn't put up with this shit."

(Photo: Getty)

While playing football in college, Giants linebacker Mark Herzlich was diagnosed with bone cancer. After an intense bought of chemotherapy and having a titanium rod inserted into his leg, Herzlich made it back onto the Giants roster as an undrafted free agent this year.

This week, he tweeted this commentary:

"2 yrs ago I was told I might never walk again. Just WALKED off plane in Indy to play in The #SuperBowl. #TakeThatSh*tCancer"

Acceptable commentary:

"Don't say shit about Mark Herzlich."

Rob Gronkowski is porn star approved.

Which is fine! Especially when he posts of himself shirtless with a fully clothed porn star. And after looking at this photo, it's clear that his torso should be on the internet all the time.

Acceptable commentary:

'When is Rob Gronkowski going to take his shirt off?"

Chad Ochocinco is really into the idea of naming himself after a number. Even though Ochocinco is not how you say his jersey number in Spanish.

He's been #85 since he played with the Cincinnati Bengals and realized the NFL would only put his real last name on the back of his jersey. So he had it legally changed.

Commentary:

"Go. Chad Ochenta Y Cinco!"

Even if you do not watch football, you probably are aware of this fact. Tom Brady is handsome. Tom Brady gets to see Giselle naked. Tom Brady is going to be OK.

And yet, he's almost the underdog in this game. He's already lost to The Giants once. Supposedly, throughout his career, before he became a famous underwear model, people always underestimated him and never thought he'd go pro.

But this is his fifth SuperBowl. He's going to be OK.

Commentary (if The Pats are losing) :

"Giselle's going to have a lot of work to do tonight."

Because he is! Peyton Manning is his older brother and won the SuperBowl for the Colts the year before Eli got there his first time.

But Eli led The Giants to the SuperBowl against The Patriots that time, so despite Tom Brady's many physical assets, Eli's got one on him. And if his team wins again, it won't matter how awesome Brady's hair is. Eli will have two wins on him.

Commentary:

"Tom Brady might have Giselle, but Eli Manning has Serena. Almost as good, right?"

There may be lots of celebs in the stadium in Indianapolis on Sunday. But Rooney Mara is NY Giants royaly. Her grandfather owned the team and her dad is the team's lead recruiter.

She says that being a Giants fan is in her blood.

Commentary:

"Where's the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo?"

Proper commentary:

"Madonna is still fully clothed. Has there been a wardrobe malfunction?"

Just kidding. There's no way Madonna will keep all her clothes on. Enjoy!