Rumors have been swirling for a few weeks now that troubled Disney starlet, Demi Lovato, is going in and out of rehab to deal with some pretty serious addictions. On top of those rumors are rumors that her PR team keeps pulling her out of rehab to prove those rumors wrong. I know, I know, it’s a sick, twisted web of rumors that have been continuously denied by her PR team and simultaneously promoted by BlindGossip.com. (Update: Demi has since given her first interview in a while, with MuchMusic… but she doesn’t address the rumors here, nor that never-ending cocaine allegation. What gives?)
While it’s impossible for us to separate fact from fiction, let’s just err on the side of Hollywood cynicism and Disney’s fantastic child-star-transitioning-to-adult track record and assume Demi really is checking in and out of rehab.
And if we assume that, then we can also safely assume that her mother, Dianna Hart De La Garza, is throwing her hat in the ring to win the highly coveted title: Death be Damned, I’ll Most Definitely Sacrifice My Child(ren) to Make Money. Former contestants include: Kate Gosselin, Courtney Love and the current title holder, Dina Lohan. The prize? A highly coveted Us Weekly cover story and a 90% guarantee that you’ll one day be featured in either an E!‘s Worst Parents Ever countdown or a Lifetime movie. So yes, it’s totally worth it.
What do you need to even be in the running?
1. A former child star with a problem. Bear in mind, while any problem will get you accepted into the running, it definitely helps if the problem involves drugs, alcohol or a healthy combination of the two.
2. Denial. So much denial! Like take your denial and multiply it by infinity. Then you’ll almost have enough denial.
3. The attitude of Rehab, schmehab.
4. A spare child star. Because just in case the first one doesn’t get you enough headlines, it’s nice to have another (cough, cough Madison De La Garza) waiting in the wings.
But in all seriousness, really? C’mon Dianna. If Demi is as sick as all these rumors are claiming, she needs help — not headlines. Pull it together and you might just get a Mother’s Day card this year.