Johnny Depp has played a lot of creepy characters in a lot of creepy movies over the years with his bestie Tim Burton. A scissor man. A demonic barber. An overly chipper chocolatier. Through most of these incarnations he’s clung to a semblance of his overall attractiveness. Edward wasn’t cute, but he was endearing. Sweeney Todd was distinguished in a blood thirsty sort of way. Maybe Willy Wonka wasn’t very photogenic,but he’s Brad Pitt compared to the Depp character that was rolled out today.
Barnabas Collins, the vampire he’ll be playing in Dark Shadows is making me long for vampires that sparkle, but reminding me of the first time I tried to put on eyeshadow. It would be better if Depp looked menacing or sinister, but those weird Gothic Beiber bangs coupled with his sense of wonder at the sight of his brand new press on nails just makes him look kind of sad. An overgrown vampire toddler.
I have high hopes for Dark Shadows as a film. It co-stars Chloë Grace Moretz, who seems to be getting better with every role, and the triad of Depp, Bonham Carter, and Burton keepz pushing out classic cob-web strewn films. I just don’t know if I can take that face on a fifty foot screen.