• Tue, Jan 17 2012

Lindsay Lohan Is A Prostitute And Was Involved In Osama Bin Laden’s Death, Says Crazy Ex-Marine

Ex-Marine calls Lindsay Lohan a prostitutePoor Lindsay Lohan. (Yep, I’m saying that non-ironically.) The girl is bogged down in so much shit of her own making that she shouldn’t have to deal with lawsuits charged against her by crazy people. Especially when she gets served with the papers while she’s on her way into court for a probation progress report.

TMZ caught the video (and later, the suit in question) of a process server trying to hand LiLo the papers from Thomas A. Green. Green is suing Lindsay for $300,000, accusing her of “unfair business practices.” I’ll tell you now that Green is crazy, so you can put motive aside and just appreciate the charges.

Green claims that Lindsay reached out to him over Facebook and led him to believe that she’d be willing to participate in his new dot-com business. But when he realized that she was lying, Green says, he ended up uncovering a conspiracy related to the killing of Osama bin Laden in early 2011. (You’ll remember that Lindsay’s first tweet in response was “Go USA!”, so she must have been involved somehow.)

The suit was twelve pages of jibberish, but let’s try to parse out the meaning in this excerpt:

[Green] set out to command [Lindsay] to twitter and stated if [Lindsay] acknowledges this is an Osoma Bin Ladden op all civilians in past wrong doing will receive clemency.

So he thinks that he helped kill bin Laden but that he won’t be pardoned unless a washed-up teen actress tells him so? This is like the low-rent version of Homeland.

Oh, and then the most random part: Green writes, “[Lindsay] might be a high-end prostitute.” From your lips to Heidi Fleiss‘ ears, my friend.

Now, the facts about Green: He’s a former U.S. Marine, but most recently he’s been staying at a homeless shelter for– and it’s unclear if the suit or a medical professional describes him as such — a “depreciated stage of delusion and hallucinations.” So, another mentally ill person latching on to a famous face. It’s sad, really.

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