There’s an article in The New York Times Magazine today that makes a disturbingly good case for Mark Wahlberg being the greatest actor of his generation. As it turns out, the same guy who once modeled Calvin Klein underwear and fronted Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch has turned in just as many Oscar-worthy performances as Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and more than either Leonardo DiCaprio or Matt Damon. Crazy!
This is assuming, of course, that a bad performance does not cancel out a good one, which it does. If we’re going by net Oscar-worthiness, I’m not sure if he remains in the running at all. Let’s say Wahlberg has six Oscar-worthiness points total: one each for Boogie Nights, I Heart Huckabees, Three Kings, The Fighter, The Departed, and The Yards. Those are some great films. However, there are also some deductions I’d like to make:
-One point off for 2001′s horrid re-make of Planet Of The Apes. You should know better, Mark Wahlberg.
-Two points off for The Happening.
-One point off for Max Payne, which is based on a video game and prominently features the lesser work of Marilyn Manson on its soundtrack.
-A million points off for appearing in Entourage. Come on, brah.
-No points off for this Youtube video, but it does undermine his credibility pretty effectively.
See? If you tally it this way, Mark Wahlberg does not actually have six potential Oscar nominations but negative one million and five, which is nowhere near the Oscarworthiness levels of Matt Damon, Leo, or Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Glad I cleared that up for you.