To: All Prada Employees
From: Mr. Prada
This memo is to inform all employees that we have chosen Michael Pitt as new face of our Spring/Summer 2012 Menswear campaign. I know this seems like an odd choice — selecting a man who’s wardrobe is comprised of old t-shirts stolen at dinner parties from wicker baskets in the basement marked “rags” and Salvation Army boots that have been resoled eight times, at 500% cost — but we actually have a highly thought-out strategy here. You see, we figure if our garments can make Michael Pitt look good, then they can make anyone look good.
If our blazers can make Michael Pitt look sharp, then they will make the janitor who cleans your office toilet look like a prince. If our scarves can make Michael Pitt appear to be someone you can introduce to your grandmother without fear she’d contract Hepatitis, then they’ll make the fellow who cleans the garbage from the subway station seem as if he’s a king. And if you’re already a king? Well then our garments will make you look like nothing short of God himself.
So this is why we have chosen Michael Pitt as our model and we hope you’ll endorse this decision.
Oh, and P.S. – if you see Michael wandering the halls, offer him a shoeshine, will you? He’s already tracked dog droppings on two of our carpets and we can’t afford to keep tearing those things up.