Most one-night stands may only leave you with a hangover, an intense need to shower, and a vague fear of exposure to STDs, but it is not so for the lucky ladies who bed famed Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter. In addition to the aforementioned things, they leave his Trump Tower fuck pad with gift baskets brimming with autographed Yankees memorabilia. (Maybe herpes too, but we’re not going to talk about that because look, presents.) Score!
What’s in the gift baskets, exactly? “Usually a signed baseball,” dishes The New York Post, as well as some other stuff. Additionally, he always has a car waiting to take the lady home:
The Yank captainâ€™s wham-bam-thank-you-maâ€™am kiss-offs came to light when he mistakenly pulled the stunt twice on the same woman â€” forgetting she had been an earlier conquest, a pal told The Post.
â€śDerek has girls stay with him at his apartment in New York, and then he gets them a car to take them home the next day. Waiting in his car is a gift basket containing signed Jeter memorabilia, usually a signed baseball,â€ť the friend dished.
This summer, he ended up hooking up with a girl who he had hooked up with once before, but Jeter seemed to have forgotten about the first time and gave her the same identical parting gift, a gift basket with a signed Derek Jeter baseball,â€ť the pal said.
â€śHe basically gave her the same gift twice because heâ€™d forgotten hooking up with her the first time!â€ť
Like The Village Voice‘s Jen Doll, I’m having trouble seeing how this is a bad thing. Do you know how much those autographed balls sell for on the Internet? Hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars! And do not fucking underestimate the amazingness of a car service back to Brooklyn (or wherever you live) when you wake up in midtown on a Sunday afternoon and the L train isn’t running and your underwear’s on inside out and oh God you just need to be in bed. Is the Post mad at Jeter for having one night stands, or for rewarding slatternly behavior with gift baskets? Would they rather he stay celibate until his genitals fall off and he no longer has the equilibrium necessary to hit a baseball? Or maybe he can have hook-ups, but he’s not allowed to be nice to them? Sometimes I don’t understand you, New York Post.
(Via Runnin’ Scared)