How One Tree Hill Saved Me From Myself

Toward the end of summer in 2008, I lost my job. It was a terrible experience made even more terrible by the fact that I’d actually hated my job. Initially, of course, I walked away feeling psyched. Awesome! I thought. This is an opportunity for a fresh start! But in reality I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, or even what I’d planned to do the next day. Some people would probably go to a museum, or take a walk in the park to collect their thoughts. Others would simply dust themselves off and dive right back into the job search. Me? I found One Tree Hill.

Part of my conundrum when I was let go was realizing that I didn’t want to stay in the industry I’d been in. I felt clouded; I needed direction. I also felt semi-broken, due to the fact that I’d stayed so long at a job I despised and felt completely dispensable when given the boot. I’m not going to go so far as to say I was searching for meaning in my life, but it was an awkward time.

I lost my job about a month before my boyfriend and I moved in together, and everything around me, from my home to my day-to-day routine, was changing. I decided to take a few months off to re-discover what I really wanted to do in my career. During this time, I reasoned, I would paint and decorate the new home I shared with my boyfriend. It would be like flying to India and going on an ashram, except that I would never leave my house! Instant clarity! [tagbox tag= "one tree hill"]

I quickly figured out that clarity doesn’t come with several gallons of paint from Home Depot and endless days spent by myself. Day 1 was a little lonely, Day 2 was a little boring, and Day 3 was downright depressing. So I turned on the television to keep me company. At first it was the news, maybe a little bit of Ellen… It’s weird to watch daytime TV out of college and still feel like a worthy human being. After flipping through what felt like thousands of channels, I settled on One Tree Hill on the SoapNet channel. I’d never seen it before, but I used to be an avid fan of the original Beverly Hills, 90210 (which also plays on SoapNet) and Felicity, so I figured what the hell, I’d give it a shot.

Speaking of shots, the episode that was on was the very tense “school shooting” episode (“With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept”), and I had no idea WTF was going on, which made the show even more compelling. I was hooked.

Each day I found myself looking forward to the two-hour block of One Tree Hill on SoapNet. They played in order, as they do to this day, on a loop. Once the end of Season 6 wraps up (which is the final season that feature Hilarie Burton and Chad Michael Murray), the whole show just starts over again with the pilot. I’m assuming it’s a licensing thing, and SoapNet just doesn’t have authorization to play Seasons 7 and 8 (which recently ended on The CW), but as far as I’m concerned there are only six seasons to the show because I’ve only ever watched these episodes.

Watching One Tree Hill in this way became a little addictive. I wasn’t watching the episodes on Netflix or through some other means where I’d have the ability to skip commercials. It was essentially like watching all the shows as they originally aired (with commercials), except sped up to a twice-daily dose of drama. Not only did the show help me forget about my directionless life, it also got into my head in a big way.

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    • anna

      How One Tree Hill saved my life

      First off i want to say I planned on posting this, so hello to everyone.I hope your day is going great! Secondly I am probally not the best writer, so there might be some stupid or wierd things throughout this…uh.whatchamacallit.Anywho let get this started.

      Everyone has heard of baggage hopefully because i have alot that would probally make this artical make more sense.I really dont remember anything before second grade. Anyways during second grade my mom was going out and partying all night.She was majorly depressed and she tried to kill herself.Although when she told me the story she said she just wanted to sleep, so she took a pill,woke up, took more pills, and that is how it happened. I was taken away from her by my dad. I love my mom and my dad was not a fit parent in my oppinion.He loved me alot but he was a drunk, he said mean things, and did not know much about raising a child. One day my mom picked me up from lunch, she was not suppose to.I ended up accidentallly telling my Dad about it.The next day three people showed up at school to pick me up.They ended up having to call the cops and i was moved back to my moms house. I still remember the conversation my parents had.I was in my moms car crying and my step sister was in my dads car crying. My dad said ”she is happy”.My mom looked at me and pointed saying “Does she look happy to you”.

      After that things went downhill.My brother ended up leaving me at home alone with my mom.She would emotionally abuse .She was never really around me. I had developed some anger issues.I was mean to friends and my cousin and i wish that i could change all of that because they did not deserve any of it. Sometimes i would throw things and hit things, but never another person.My mom would always tell me your just like that person.I knew what she thought of those people.She thought they were bad, selfish, manipulative, bitches.ext.My dad did the same thing.Told me that my aunt was better than my mom.That kind of hurts because my aunt just left my mom to die, she did not care.

      I was the grown up for a long time.I cleaned, took care of myself, i was responsible. I had a secret though evertime i would get made i would take the anger out on my self. I would hit the wall or floor multiple times.I would slap myself.

      Then eighth grade came along and i had a baby nephew.I loved him so much.More than anyone can possible know.He lived in the same house i did.Then we had a falling out with his mom and she ran away with him. I came home from school that day, i was happy, until i heard the news.My mom told me not to cry in front of my brother.I made to the front door and ran to my room. I was balling and my mom came in.(I do not like to cry in front of people.)I crawled under my covers and cried myself to sleep. It took a month to get the baby back.During that time i would look at the pictures i had of him on my phone multiple times a day.I cried alot.He finally came back and i fell into the role of his mom.

      During ninth grade i was homeschooled.I took care of the baby, cleaned, and did my school work everyday. I was so stressed out. I was 14 caring for a one year old baby that was not mine. Everyday it was like the baby was mine, but i knew he was not and sometimes it would mess me up.I loved him so much and i would do anything for him. Me and my whole family would fight over him.They would treat me like his mother and then exspect me not to voice my opinions about anything. One time my brother hit me, i did kick him first but he deserved it.I know it is still wrong.Anyways he told me that i did not give a shit about the baby.In my mind i was like really if anyone does not give a crap about him its you.So i sadi well you dont give a shit about him either.He lunged at me.So i kicked him.He came back and punched me twice,once in the face, and once on the shoulder. That was the first time i tried to kill myself.I took almost 16 tylonols, apparently it wasnt enough because im still here.

      I had cut befor then but never tried to kill myself.

      I told my sister and she was dissappointed and sad but she really didn not try to help me.

      When my mom found out i was cutting she said it was for attention. In my head i was like exactly that is why i put the marks on my feet.I could cover them up with socks.I did not mean for them to find out but i was just chilling in my room and my brother knocked on my door.I forgot i had my foot sticking out of the covers.He asked what it was and i said nothing.He left me aone all day and then told my mom.I hated my brother for it.He knew how mom was.Why would he do that.all she did was make me feel worse. after this i got on depression pills they helped.

      Then i was in tenth grade. i was not being homeschooled.I still loved the baby like he was my own. My mom was still an emotional bully. One day me and my brother got in a fight over the baby. I told him why are you such a duchebag.He said why are you such a bitch.I sdi why dont you move out and he said why dont you go die.He started to walk away and i said do you want me to kill mysel.He said your not going to do it. I thought he said go ahead and do it. So i took the knife out of the drawer cut myself twice.I ran out of the house and walked awhile, looking for sharp glass along the alley to finish the job.I came back home and they took me to the hospital. Things changed after that.

      I dont know what happened it was like i couldnt feel anything.People would ask me how do you feel and i really did not know.It was like i put a wall up.I did not care anymore about myself but i still managed to care about everyone else.

      I dont think people understand that i remember everything bad that happened to me and all of those memories would play in my head over and over.When another thing happened everything would hit the fan. It was like a record player in my brain going your not good enough, your just like them, why dont you go die, shutup,ungratful bitch, you dont give a shit about him.Everything that was said was still there and no one knew and i still dont think they know. I have gotten over most of all of this.I have put it behind me but i know when i get sad it will all come flowing back to me.

      So here is how one tree hill saved me. If it was not for the show i would probally be dead.I saw the frienship and love in the show and i took comfort in it.I saw things i did not have,I saw how the characters were damaged.I saw the inspiration.I related alot to peyton.Her love in music. It was inspirational.She was so wise and the things she said would sometimes help me through the day. I got to mature with the show.You got to see the charcters devolpe from kids to adults.All through the show no one was perfect.Everyone had flaws or had at one time done or said the wronge thing.Heart were broken and repaired.I can honestly say that one tree hill was the one thing holding me together.It made me laugh, cry, smile, and alot of other things. When i would laugh it was like i was laughing with them or when i cried i understood thier pain.I know they are fictional characters and it is hard to understand.But in thier own reality they were real. It was all acting but once it was in the show it was thier lives.So this is just a story but on television it would be my life being acted out.That was how i saw the show.

      I dont know if this was what you were looking for when you cllicked on this but if you have any questions or anything you want to saw, i encourge you to ask. Just dont say anything mean. And mean would be telling me to go die or something like that.If you dont have something serious or nice to say please dont post,just keep to yourself.For those who really do have things to say please do so.

      Have a nice day!!