Mustachioed presidential wannabe Herman Cain has messed with the wrong guys. After a visit to Godfather’s Pizza, for which Cain served as chairman from 1986-1996, the American Mustache Institute has decided that they cannot afford to endorse the GOP frontrunner. The crime? Misleading pizzas… and a fake mustache! (Dun dun dun.)
It would appear that in addition to a well-groomed ‘stache, the AMI also holds dear meat. Lots of it. Which was why they were horribly disappointed when they visited a Godfather’s Pizza near Washington, D.C., only to discover that a pie “piled high with meat” was not actually smothered in pork fat.
That disappointment snowballed into a larger scandal: Apparently Cain has been wearing a fake mustache since his 20s. This was the last straw, as the AMI’s official statement explains:
Now, sadly, the Mustached American community finds itself at a crossroads as Cain would have been the first Mustached American President of the United States since William Howard Taft left office in 1913, and the first major party presidential candidate of Mustached American heritage since Thomas E. Dewey in 1948.
But with the evidence of both pizza and mustache fraud, Dr. Froman and other members of the AMI administration said they could not in good conscience support his candidacy on behalf of the powerful Mustached American electorate.
We’re honestly not sure if all this is real or not. Wikipedia and BuzzFeed commenters (your best bet on the Internet) claim that the AMI is a registered 501(c)(3) not-for-profit based in St. Louis, Missouri. But we’re afraid of getting trolled by some especially smart satirists. So until we have substantial proof, today’s definition of “Daily WTF” can go two ways: “What the fuck real organization bases value on mustaches?” or “How the fuck did someone have time to write up an entire fake website?”