The dissolution of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries‘ “marriage” is upsetting to me — not because I feel like I’ve been cheated out of the opportunity to watch true love blossom into a brood of beautiful k-named children in HD, but because I feel like their inability to remain married for longer than 72 days represents a fundamental failure on the part of the human spirit. I mean, I’ve had pre-school romances that lasted longer than 72 days, and our crafts room wedding cost only half of what Kim and Kris’ did. Comedian Rob Delaney is so upset at the deceitful pair that he’s threatened to sue them in his weekly Vice column. Here’s an excerpt:
“I know! We’ll have Kim get married! It’ll be a ratings bonanza! We’ll bludgeon the populace with billboards and commercials, build it up across our 14 execrable spinoffs, hire some psychologists to help Kim and Kompany approximate the appearance of human emotion as they navigate the wedding preparation, split the actual wedding over two interminable episodes—even accompany them on the honeymoon! And the best part is, it doesn’t even have to be real! We’ll have Kris (Humphries, not Kris Jenner, Kim’s mom (though having her marry her own mom once ratings start to slide IS a great idea!!!)) sign a pre-nup that is also a non-disclosure agreement AND a waiver stating that if he even talks in his sleep about the “marriage’s” details, he’ll be beaten, drugged, and given a facelift from the same doctor who did Bruce Jenner, and then forced to walk the Earth terrifying children and animals for eternity.”
Rob, having Kim marry her own mother is a little over-the-top, but having her marry Bruce Jenner is a perfect ratings stunt! It would be just like a Woody Allen movie that’s really fucking boring.
Read the rest of the column here…