And here’s the latest candidate for January Jones‘ babydaddy: Ashton Kutcher, who dated the actress from 1998-2001 when she first moved to Hollywood. I know, I know—the tabloids could suggest just about any name and there would be support for it. But the conspiracy around the Two and a Half Men star is supported by a blind item, which elevates it above the other possible fathers.
This married actor had a one-night stand with one of his exes, who is an actress in an acclaimed television show. She wound up pregnant. The actor’s wife found out about the baby, and, to no one’s surprise, went completely ballistic.
Both the actor and his wife tried every tactic (money, lawyers, threats to ruin her career) to convince the ex to terminate the pregnancy. Despite enormous pressure from all sides, the ex decided to keep the baby. The actor’s marriage is now on the rocks. We’re not sure how long everyone can remain tight-lipped about this one. It will be difficult to keep such a bombshell out of divorce proceedings, which will likely occur before the New Year.
Let’s break this down, shall we?
- …had a one-night stand: Just because the rumors of Ashton hooking up with random girls are running rampant now, doesn’t mean it wasn’t happening back in January. (The month.)
- …who is an actress in an acclaimed television show: This one’s almost too easy—even though won’t come back til March 2012, Mad Men hasn’t lost any of its fans.
- …both the actor and his wife tried every tactic: This is the one detail that I’m not sure about. Ashton’s wife Demi Moore has three children, the youngest of whom is 17. The age difference wouldn’t be so awful to welcome another baby, and Demi seems to be a proponent of blended families, as she and Ashton get along with her ex-husband Bruce Willis at red-carpet events. Maybe the rules are different when it’s a love child; and you have to wonder, how do people in open marriages feel about surprise babies?
- …the ex decided to keep the baby: I can’t think of any other actress besides January who announced her pregnancy in the last nine months, who didn’t have a boyfriend or husband supporting her. In that case, it’s not as scandalous a story.
- …the actor’s marriage is now on the rocks: What with them unfollowing each other on Twitter? Yep.
- …divorce proceedings, which will likely occur before the New Year: Again, it fits the rumors about Ashton and Demi.
In other news, is anyone else shocked by how plain January looks in this photo (and others) from a decade ago? Really, I mean it as a compliment: She looks like a normal person (though her hair and clothes are very non-Hollywood), and is actually smiling instead of giving us perpetual bitchface.
Now let’s sit back and wait to see whose camp denies the blind item first.