But things got even weirder once Kim showed up and immediately spirited away to the bathroom. “When my sister walked in, she seemed really tired and a little disheveled,” Kyle recalled. She looked like she’d been doing lines of Oxy in the back of the limo, but, you know, semantics. And maybe Kim really was just tired, in which case we’re all Brandi-level assholes for assuming the worst. Kim went on to talk about how she hasn’t slept or eaten in seven days, which I think would kill you. So there you have it, the real explanation for her aloof behavior: Kim is a zombie.
The episode began with Dana heading over to Taylor’s house to make cookies. (Actually, the episode began with Lisa and Ken preparing dinner, but we’ve already agreed to skip those scenes.) I’m not really sure why Taylor was making cookies, except perhaps to remind us that she’s eating. Dana, meanwhile, was excited for “any excuse to pretend like I’m good at something.” Oh, Dana. We already know you excel at talking about $25,000 sunglasses! Standing next to Taylor while she stirs is just icing on the cookie.
Kyle and Adrienne met ostensibly to talk about Brandi, who is quickly emerging as the star of this season. She’s already getting a lot of screentime—do we really need to spend our non-Brandi moments discussing what Brandi did in the last episode? Apparently. Kyle still wasn’t over Brandi’s son whipping it out at a party (she keeps referencing this like he’s a flasher and not a baby), while Adrienne was more interested in talking about Kim’s loopy Sacramento behavior. I loved her delicate handling of the “your sister is batshit” problem. And Kyle still didn’t really get it.
Then Adrienne met up with Brandi. (Brandi, Brandi, Brandi. You get married to Eddie Cibrian once, and it’s like, boom, you’re a Real Housewife.) I loved that Brandi told Adrienne, “I don’t think any of the girls really know what I’m going through,” since last week was all about Brandi overrelating to everyone with marital problems. Continuity, people. Adrienne’s response was basically—and I’m paraphrasing here—“You’ve been pretty terrible. How do we show my friends that you have a non-terrible side?” I know! Invite her to Dana’s game night, and then flake at the last minute.
Game night was awkward. And not in a quirky-Bravo-music-playing-in-the-background sort of way. Dana continued to let us know what she was wearing—she’s so red carpet-ready!—while Kyle and Brandi fidgeted. Adrienne canceled, probably because a Bravo producer told her it would be more hilarious that way, leaving Brandi to fend for herself among a bunch of women who think she’s literally a monster. And to be fair, we don’t know what’s under that leg brace.
But things got even weirder once Kim showed up and immediately spirited away to the bathroom. “When my sister walked in, she seemed really tired and a little disheveled,” Kyle recalled. She looked like she’d been doing lines of Oxy in the back of the limo, but, you know, semantics. And maybe Kim really was just tired, in which case we’re all Brandi-level assholes for assuming the worst. Kim went on to talk about how she hasn’t slept or eaten in seven days, which I think would kill you. So there you have it, the real explanation for her aloof behavior: Kim is a zombie.
Brandi was sure Kim was doing drugs in the bathroom, which I frankly find hard to believe. Editing made it look like Kim wanted private time so she could pop a bunch of downers, but I think she really just wanted Kyle out of the room because her sister was being so overbearing. And I love that Brandi was trying to talk shit with Camille, of all people. Last season’s villain was not having it. Do you even watch this show, Brandi? Camille will not let you turn her into the Danielle Staub of Beverly Hills.
It all culminated in the beginnings of an epic showdown, in which Brandi, Kyle, Kim, and Dana all proved themselves to be total assholes. I mean, honestly, did Brandi have to call Kim out like that? Did Kyle and Kim need to be so openly hostile to a new face? And why was Dana trying so hard to impress the ladies when she already has really expensive sunglasses to flaunt? “Your sister is wasted out of her fucking mind,” Brandi announced. She also proudly proclaimed herself a slut: if Brandi can own that, why can’t Kim own being a drugged-up mess?
