This past Saturday after midnight (so really, Sunday morning), I found myself in a movie theater with my old roommate/horror movie buddy and a bunch of similarly crazy movie daredevils. We were gearing up to see The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence), Tom Six‘s meta sequel to The Human Centipede. It was six times grosser than the original, but with only one-sixth of its elegance.
There’s already a detailed summary up on Wikipedia, but I’m going to give you the lowdown on the nastiest, most revolting moments that made me dry heave for the last third of the movie. Yes, the craziness doesn’t really set in until the third act, so you’ve got about an hour to prepare yourself (though that’s peppered with horrifying moments, too).
1. Sandpaper masturbation. This was one of the details that got mentioned in every report because of how awful it is. Poor Martin was molested by his father, so the only way he’s able to get off — aside from fantasizing about his favorite horror movie — is to inflict pain on himself during sex. That translates to an awful scene where he rips off a piece of sandpaper and… you can figure out the rest. Thankfully, we don’t get a detailed look, except for his awkward O-face. But it comes early in the movie, and it had everyone groaning.
2. A bloody homage to Psycho. To be fair, Martin’s mother is a bitch: She blames her son for putting her husband in jail, and in one of the movie’s most hilarious scenes, tries to stab him to death in the middle of the night. Her own son! But she goes too far when she rips up his beloved Human Centipede scrapbook and he decides to take his trusty crow bar to her head. Over and over. He whales on her until she looks like the skeleton corpse of “Mother” in Psycho… mostly because all that remains is the bloody pulp of her jawline.
3. When he finds the kitchen tools. The first film’s tagline was “100% Medically Accurate.” For the sequel, Tom decided he wasn’t going to bullshit us, and went with “100% Medically Inaccurate.” This detail mostly escaped our minds, until after Martin has decimated his mother and decides to pack up and start constructing his human centipede. As he’s rummaging through the kitchen drawers and grabbing anything with a sharp edge — stapler, screwdriver, cleaver, knives — it suddenly dawned on me, and I sat up in my seat and moaned, “But he’s not a doctor!” And yet we all knew that he was going to use these tools anyway.
An addendum to this would be when Martin starts knocking out one of the victim’s teeth with a hammer. I don’t know why, but that just set me off. Little did I know that it would seem like a Disneyland trip compared to the next one…