Kim’s Fairytale Wedding, Part 1: Why Is Kris Humphries Marrying Into This?

Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian already got married in late August, so we know that they eventually made it down the aisle. But the E! special Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event gives us a unique perspective on the union: We see how much shit the Kardashian/Jenner clan put poor Kris through before the big day.

Despite their constant coverage in tabloids and reality news, you would never know how much the family dislikes Kim’s fiance Kris. They constantly make fun of his height and dopeyness — which isn’t actually the way he talks but fits with the stereotype of a big lug — behind his back. Did you guys ever watch Better with You last season? Kris is cast in the same role as one of the sitcom’s characters: The well-meaning boyfriend whose every joke and overture is misinterpreted. He explains this in one of the confessionals, and you see it in the footage: He tries to join in on the family’s usual ribbing of each other, but the moment he jumps in with a jibe, everyone turns on him as if he genuinely were trying to insult his mother-in-law Kris after her pre-wedding surgery, or what have you.

Kris’ biggest detractor is Khloe, whose main worry is that Kim doesn’t know Kris well enough to share her assets with him. Normally this would be an issue, but we’re talking about the Kardashians; any time there’s an engagement, you have to wonder how much it’s done for the attention. Kim and Kris started dating around December 2010, and got engaged in May 2011. So yeah, that’s definitely shorter than we’d recommend to consider spending your lives together, but Khloe got engaged to Lamar Odom two weeks after they started dating. God forbid Kris point this out, because Khloe gets incredibly defensive.

The rest of the family is similarly apathetic. The most bizarre part was when Kourtney‘s boyfriend/babydaddy Scott Disick stands up for Kris, saying he knows what it’s like to try to get in good with the sisters when they already have a bad view of you. (And you know you’re in trouble when it’s Scott who’s sticking up for you.) But then he turns around and makes fun of Kris behind his back for not owning a polo shirt for their golf game. “Who doesn’t have a polo shirt?” he snarks. “Only someone from Lake Minnetonka.”

It doesn’t help that Kim gets all bridezilla, especially since they decide to plan the wedding in just three months. She snaps at Kris for being late to register for presents with her mom Kris Jenner, but shuts him down when he makes “down home” suggestions for the decor and food. (For what it’s worth, the producers make him look really stupid. I’m charmed by the idea of food trucks at weddings, but when Kris says he wants it to be “like the State Fair, with fresh cookies,” he just sounds like a simpleton.)

To be honest, I didn’t know anything about Kris Humphries until he and Kim got engaged in May. And now I understand why: Compared to these screeching, oversharing women, he’s a quiet guy. When he does try to match their humor, he gets shot down. Then the family accuses him of not trying to get to know them.

And yet, crux of all this is actually centered on Kim, not Kris. Khloe warns Kris that Kim falls in love with everyone: “Her nickname isn’t Elizabeth Taylor just for the diamonds.” Kris, too, points out that unlike his soon-to-be bride, he hasn’t ever been married. It all comes to a head with this fight:

Kim: “I seriously have been planning this dream wedding since I was ten years old.”
Kris: “Yeah, and you can slap any guy into it!”

Honestly, we’re on Kris’ side here! Kim is so used to being a self-sufficient powerhouse that she doesn’t let her man make any decisions about the big day.

Worst of all, that was only part 1. And of course it ended on the cliffhanger of Kris finally telling Kim that Khloe was talking shit about him at the engagement party. The fact that he managed to stay mum about the whole thing for a few days was impressive, but as he says, he wants his and Kim’s marriage to be open. (Not the Ashton/Demi way, just really honest.)

Part 2 airs tonight at 9 p.m. EST on E!, but I can already answer my question of why Kris decided to marry into this clusterfuck of a family: Because he loves Kim, and that’s enough.

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    • B

      20 reasons Kim should NOT have married Kris!

      1) he’s ugly
      2) he’s rude
      3) he’s a cry baby
      4) he dresses bad
      5) he’s a drama queen
      6) he can’t handle her career
      7) hes controlling
      8) he’s a douche bag
      9) he fights with her family
      10) he’s cheap!
      11) he’s late
      12) he wants everything his way
      13) he just wants a trophy wife to pump out babies
      14) he’s annoying
      15) he talks shit
      16) he thinks he’s hard
      17) he wants to run everything
      18) he whines to much
      19) he thinks he’s so cool
      20) he ruins everything!

    • Pingback: Kim’s Fairytale Wedding, Part 2: Kris Jenner Will Stop At Nothing To Protect Kim Kardashian’s Brand | Hot Celebrity News()

    • lp

      To the above: :OMG I agree completely. I can’t stand this guy and he annoys her. I mean seriously she said it. These two should not have been married. To me maybe she was head over heels attracted to him(I am not sure why) and they really don’t know each other. You can tell they were getting to know each other during the last few weeks of the wedding prep. BAD CHOICE. They will not make it. In my opinion she needed a little older man, maybe somebody with a really established business. He doesn’t even make half the amount as Lamar which I think she was trying to fit in with the marrying a basketball mode.

    • celondelon

      Another reason not to marry Kim is Khloe she’s already man of the house and simply doesn’t have the balls to compete with her! Poor Kris I feel for him I really do, and as for douches Scott is the CEO of the Douche International. I used to like Khloe but with every season she shows a nastier side to her personality that only reveals itself when you spend time with her a lot like the hidden charges on their credit card! Kris may not be a saint but compared to Kourtney, Khloe and Scott he’s an angel, and I’m certainly not convinced Khloe’s marriage will last as she is so into Kim’s marriage and avoiding her own. I also think Kourtney just wants Scott to get her pregnant so that she can have two kids close in age by the same father, ironic because she has that already given that she mothers Scott who has the same I.Q. as Mason and is an alcoholic in extreme denial about his belief that he can handle his drinking. I also don’t think she wants to marry Scott only to control him so that she doesn’t have to deal with the abandonment and daddy issues she still has from her parents divorce. Khloe, Kourtney and Kim have all gone for men they can mentally manipulate and control, or have whose I.Q. is lower than theirs and are younger than they are or in the case of Kim and Kourtney all of the above. Poor Rob as bratty as he comes across I feel sorry for him his older sisters have stolen his balls and demean him at every chance they get either by paying him an allowance so that the can’t support himself financially or call him worthless so that he can’t support himself emotionally. The only decent members of this family are the Jenner’s Bruce, Kylie and Kendall they at least have a soul.

    • yass

      Quite the contrary to B above: I think Kris H is a delightful addition to the Kardashian/Jenner Clan if for no other reason than he can dish it out just as well as they can. It’s interesting that they can (especially Khloe) can say anything to anybody, regardless how rude or retarded it may sound, and get away with it; but here come Kris H who does they same to them and all of a sudden they can’t take it from him.
      These women are a bunch of spoiled society b’s that think only of themselves first and not the feelings of others; they only think of others as a afterthought and take action to make amends, aka their Mom’s surgery!!!

    • Pingback: Kim Kardashian Didn’t Want To Disappoint Her Fans By Calling Off Her Wedding, But She Did Marry For Love | 21 Kisses.COM()

    • LocoboyElPasoTx

      This really such crap! Who gives a shit about this stupid whore? Mabye an out of work drag queen, but seriously, who gives a fuck about such a talentless scag?