Gee, there’s been an awful lot of news about cancelled television shows this week, hasn’t there? The first of the new fall shows are getting cancelled, shows that had been cancelled for years are suddenly coming back to life a la Frankenstein’s monster (appropriate, given that it’s Halloween season)… there’s just so much activity! So you know what? Let’s give those cancelled televisions something to do with themselves. In fact, let’s get them drunk. Because boy, won’t that be hilarious?
The cancellation notices begin to roll out: Here we go. Take a drink and brace yourself.
A show you felt “meh” about was cancelled: Take a drink. Meh.
A show you didn’t like was cancelled: Celebrate! Take two drinks!
A show you liked was cancelled: Commiserate, curse a lot, and take three drinks.
You didn’t like the show, but you liked the actors on it: Sucks that they’re out of work now, doesn’t it? Take a drink for each actor.
It was a brand new show: Take a drink.
It was an established show: Take a drink for each season it aired.
It was cancelled after a season: Take a drink.
It was cancelled after half a season: Take a drink and a shot.
It was cancelled in under five episodes: Take a drink for however many episodes aired before it was cancelled.
It was cancelled after one episode: Take a shot.
It was cancelled before it aired: Ouch. Take a preemptive drink for your drink.
It was cancelled before it aired, and it’s a really good thing that it did (Wonder Woman, I’m looking at you): Bullet dodged. Take two preemptive drink for your drink.
It was cancelled… and then brought back!: New life! Take a drink, then take another bonus drink, just because!
It was a Joss Whedon show: Take a drink and hope there will be a comic book continuation. Then cheer up by looking forward to The Avengers.
It was a Bryan Fuller show: Take a drink and hope that one day, someone will recognize that the first season of Heroes was only good because of Bryan Fuller. Then hope that they’ll bring Pushing Daisies back. Fervently.
It was never a real show to begin with: Take a drink and remember Candle Cove.
It deserved to be cancelled: Take a drink.
It didn’t deserve to be cancelled: Take two drinks.
It was cancelled by Fox: Drain the bottle and curse the executives at Fox with the passion of a thousand fiery suns.