Ashley Greene Is Dating My Boyfriend Reeve Carney

Oh my god, Ashley Greene is dating my boyfriend Reeve Carney. The Twilight actress and the Super-Man star have quietly begun a relationship, according to several mean, jerky sources, who should probably just keep their mouths shut. Yahoo’s OMG reports:

“Ashley has been pining after Reeve for a long time. She’s super close with Reeve’s family and loves spending time with Paris, his sister, when they’re both in L.A.”

Oh really, Ashley? Have you been pining after him for a long time? Have you been pining after him since, oh let’s see, 2003, when you saw him walking towards the bookstore beneath the dapple of an oak tree on the first day of your freshman year of college? No? Well, that’s how long I’ve been pining after him, Ashley. That’s how long I have wanted Reeve Carney to be my boyfriend, or at least someone I got to have sex with once or twice in a shitty dorm-room bed.

The only obstacle back then was that I didn’t actually know Reeve’s name. Or anything else about him. Also, I thought he was gay. Nevertheless: Ashley Greene, consider yourself my new nemesis.

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