Conspiracy Theory: Courtney Stodden Is Actually a 35-Year-Old Performance Artist

We’re all aware of how ridiculous child bride Courtney Stodden is. We thought she was ridiculous when we first heard that she had married a 51-year-old man, and the more we see of her, the more ridiculous she gets. But I have a theory, and that theory is this: that Courtney Stodden is actually a 35-year-old performance artist who has created the character of an ultra-sexual teenager in order to comment on society’s views of sex. When you think about it, it’s kind of brilliant in a weird sort of way. What better way to make society reexamine itself than by shoving something so ridiculous that is allegedly of its own creation right back in its face?

Let’s take a look at the evidence, shall we?

Exhibit A: Her Appearance

We’re all familiar with this picture:

Yes, there are rumors of plastic surgery. Yes, those rumors have been denied time and time again. But really, will any amount of plastic surgery make a 16-year-old look like that?

Okay, I’ll concede that the answer to that question is probably yes. But still: LOOK AT HER. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE’S 35. Why would a teenager want to look like she’s 35? 35 is ANCIENT from a teenager’s perspective!

Of course, she married a 51-year-old, which is even MORE ancient to a teenager than 35—but that’s where this part of the theory fits in: If she’s 35 and he’s 51, there’s still a pretty significant age gap (16 years), but not enough of one to really turn heads. But wait! I know! If we widen that gap—how does, say, 30-odd years sound?—it’ll DEFINITELY get peoples’ attention! Isn’t that a great publicity stunt? What a way to kick off the ultimate performance art project!

Of course, one can always cite that shot in which she looks relatively normal at the age of 15 as proof against this, but they can work wonders with digital photo manipulation these days. Benjamin Button, much?

Exhibit B: Her Twitter
We’ve talked about this before. Many times. Many, many times. Because it’s RIDICULOUS. There’s no possible way anyone, even a teenager, could think these kinds of things are actually sexy, right? Let alone something that you’d want to launch out into the public sphere? UNLESS, that is, it’s all part of the routine. There’s a fine line between ridiculous and genius; maybe Courtney’s Twitter has purposely been designed to be so ridiculous that it actually circles right back around to genius. Is it really possible for someone who was allegedly a virgin before she got married to become this hypersexualized so quickly? Maybe it’s some sort of super-meta commentary on how the the rapid sexualization of teens in the Internet age.

Exhibit C: This Interview
Last week, Radar Online conducted this interview with Courtney. You probably heard about it, even if you haven’t watched it; this is the one in which she claimed to have been for 24 hours straight on her wedding night. Later, when asked what she would study if she went to college, she replied, “I would go to college and study all of Doug [Hutchison]. All of his body, and all the elements within that. What they do and what they still do. It would be a lot of fun.” Throughout the interview, she managed to contort her body constantly into bizarre shapes that I believe are intended to be sexy. And here’s what I took away from it: This wacky Courtney person is just as outrageous as Andy Kaufman’s Tony Clifton character, so the only plausible explanation must be that she, too, is a character! This one’s goal must be to push the boundaries of what’s considered “sexy” so as to comment on society’s views of sexiness at large.

Proven? Perhaps not, but the theory still stands. Courtney Stodden baffles me so much that it’s the only way I can make sense of her. You know what I’m really waiting for? Her reality show. The whole project has to end one of these days—and wouldn’t it be a great stunt to use the conclusion of the reality show to reveal that Courtney has been having us on all along? That’s how I’d play it if it were my project.

I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see how it plays out. I’m watching, Courtney. I see what you’re doing. And I promise you, I’ll get to the bottom of it. Oh yes. I will.

You can reach this post's author, Lucia Peters, on twitter.
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    • Cara

      I agree with you! I never believed for a second that she’s sixteen. It’s like, give me a fucking break. This is obviously a publicity stunt.

    • Deanna

      That HAS to be it. Brilliant. I hope you’re right.

    • Triglid

      I’ll take a wild guess and say that the Tacoma hospital didn’t issue birth certificates in comic sans: http://www4.pictures.zimbio.com/pc/TEEN+BRIDE+Courtney+Stodden+birth+certificate+P3pgAUzytgbl.jpg

      • http://www.facebook.com/lyn.pharr Lyn Pharr

        actually that font is correct… I just looked at my daughters birth certificate. She was born in 2011, and its the same font.

      • Melody Page

        I was born in 95, mine looks NOTHING like that, not just the font, the entire layout is completely different. There’s no way that is a legitimate birth certificate.

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    • TLEE

      I totally agree with you, something is totally off with this entire situation. It just seems like a complete act. SHE, seems unreal, she is completely fake. Just like a made up character if you must and the way that she looks….I mean come on, it is even off.

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    • Not believing them at all

      Please notice that in her photos you don’t see the tops of hands. Also she throws her head back so you can’t see the natural aging on her neck. Photos where her head isn’t thrown back have strategically placed her hair in the way. These are classic ways to appear younger as plastic surgery to these areas would be difficult. Would anyone care to explain the porn faces she was making during that interview? How would a sixteen year old homeschooled ultra Christian girl know anything about making faces like that.

    • Sade

      I’ve always kind of agreed with this.

      She may really be 18 years old. I disagree with you there, but I agree that she’s definitely playing a character. Not as a social commentary, but just because she wants to be an actress.

    • roseyoungstewart

      Stodden could have been a male and then got hormones, surgery etc…. why is it no one can find her picture in her high school year book even though she claims she’s been homeschooled she still woould appear in the year book. From which high school was her year book done? Is she intelligent? Is she not too bright? Can she do a simple algebra problem amd get it right? Can she find ther USA on a globe & can she do simple arithmetic in her head? What color really, is her hair (the hair on her head)? hmmmmm where did the $$$ come from to have all that plaSTtic surgery? does anyone here have at least one answer? If Jay Leno has her on his show we can easily see if she is in lower 70 of an IQ Ratio or the upper 70. Has anyone ever heard her speak about anything other than herself? I never have, yet.

    • Rosiepalm

      Who cares. She’s truly heinous looking. And, lay off the coke guuuuuurl.

    • Melody Page

      This is exactly what I’ve always thought too. Some video clips of her are so ridiculous, they actually seem sarcastic and are hilarious in that sense. Like the one where she pretends to be a cat or the toddlers and tiaras audition. No way is this for real. I’m just surprised at how few people have caught on. There was also the on where she was trying to prove she didn’t have plastic surgery on TV, and the doctor basically proved that she did have implants, and just, the whole situation, I’m 100% convinced that she is like you said, a performance artist commentating on today’s views of sex, in a ridiculous, exaggerated way.

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