Gallery: The Ten Most Obnoxious Things Patti Stanger Has Said

"It’s like Free Willy. Free Willy got really lazy being in the tank they put him in the ocean and he stopped hunting and fishing for his food, you have to retrain most men right now, he’s not doing it so in order to get those hot women he wants he’s gonna have to learn how to go and hunt for what he wants."

I was not aware that killer whales had developed the opposable thumbs necessary to operate fishing poles. What will become of the human race?

"She needs to straighten her hair, for one. She can't get arrested with her rat's nest."
...
"Curly hair is like redheads—they just don’t get a lot of play… I don’t know why. I just know that to be a dream girl you need straight, long, silky, humidity-resistant hair. Also, I think curly hair reminds them of—well, let’s be polite here. Let’s just say a pterodactyl nest."

Wow, way to be super duper racist. I wish I had time to Photoshop Bey's hand into a one-fingered salute. She even starred in a movie called Dreamgirls, for fuck's sake.

"A guy knows right away if he's attracted to you or not. There's no warming up. Men are microwaves, women are Crockpots. Women heat up very slowly. They take in information; they decipher it and download it onto their computer. Men know in one second, yes or no."

Where do I get one of these newfangled, computer-equipped crockpots?

"Men who are quality aren't going to go in there and ask you out while your girlfriends are standing right there — he could get shot down. So it's a really good idea, at about 4 or 4:30 P.M., to go to the bar: Sit at the bar, have a cocktail, get an hors d'oeuvre, read a mutual-gender book like The Da Vinci Code, know the score on TV, and pretend you're busy. You're reading a book, you're eating an hors d'oeuvre, you're meeting a friend — and then you're more approachable because you're by yourself."

The rest of this statement's suckiness aside, I don't think I know anyone who wants to date someone whose idea of fine literature is The DaVinci Code.

"[Men] like [smart women] after marriage. They don't like them before they are married. You got to dumb it down a little because men are not that bright."

"It's like a deal. When you're doing a business deal, the minute you walk away from a business deal, that's when the person wants the deal, so it's the same thing, you treat it like a business plan."

Oh Patti, you sappy romantic.

"Why would you have me in fucking random clothes that...This is Elle fucking magazine, it's the big one! It's the September issue, the biggest issue of the year! Why wouldn't you have that moment for us? You don't (inaudible) you want to fatten me up!…I don't wear V-necks, Lauren because of my boobs! ... Count the fucking measurement to my fucking knee!"

Sounds like she is lots of fun to work for.

"[New York] women are smart in business and dumb in love. They won’t date outside their zip code, let alone outside the city. They are city snobs. Real men that are making money in this economy are buying homes in short sales and foreclosures out in the suburbs, getting their homestead set up for their families, and [women say] ‘I won’t go to Connecticut.’ This is where the men are.”

Do you hear that, ladies of NYC? Time to get on MetroNorth so you can read The DaVinci Code by yourself at a T.G.I. Friday's in Stamford.

"She's got red hair. She shouldn’t be talking, let alone getting a date."

"There's no curbing the gay...I have tried to curb you people, and you just don't [listen]...I've decided to throw in the towel and say do what you want. You go on Grindr...protection, please, on that one...I think you really need to understand that when you love that person, you don't want to be with anyone else."

This is one of the comments that got her trouble. I can't imagine why.