January Jones’ Baby’s Birth Certificate Does Not List A Father

The heartless vultures over at TMZ have obtained a copy of January Jones‘ baby’s birth certificate from the L.A. County Department of Public Health, and guess what? It doesn’t list a father.

Just look at it, being all witholding and stuff:

This has caused many people to speculate on why she’s being so secretive about her baby daddy. Clearly, the most common reasoning goes, the father must be a married man, because January Jones is a beautiful ice sculpture incapable of human empathy who goes around seducing other women’s husbands just for fun. (And without protection!) Clearly, she’s withholding the father’s name to keep people from disliking her even more intensely than they already do.

Is this assumption unfair? Probably! A few dumb-sounding interview quotes aside, I hold that most people’s dislike of January Jones stems from a conflation of her with her Mad Men character, who sucks. She does such a good job play acting at being terrible mother Betty Draper that people suspect she’s just playing herself. In fact, I still suspect it a little bit, even as I write this blog post about what a silly thing that is to do. She’s that good.

Then there’s the possibility that the father is just someone really embarrassing. Could it be the result of some drunken hate-sex with Zach Galifinakis? Jeremy Piven? Pete Campbell??? Unhappily for us, but happily for January, the world will never know.

Then again, the father could just be someone she doesn’t want and/or who doesn’t want to be in the kid’s life, and keeping his identity a total secret is the best way to make sure her kid’s life doesn’t get effed up. But that would hardly be good tabloid fodder, now would it?

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