Exclusive: Rob Kardashian Thinks Everyone With A TV Knows Who He Is

In America, there are people who are famous for doing nothing. They are called reality stars. You can protest all you want, but as things currently stand, they are indisputably famous and there’s nothing you can do about it.

However, there’s a class of people that makes those people look like Meryl Streep, and those are the people who are famous-ish due to their proximity to these famous-for-nothing folks. These people have two options, really: they can go along for the ride, acknowledging their absurdly good fortune all the while, or they can pretend they’re actually famous in hopes of fooling people into thinking they are. Rob Kardashian, of Keeping Up With The Kardashians and Dancing With The Stars, is one of said people, and according to a tipster I spoke with last night, he has chosen the second, more risky path.

Our tipster is a waitress at a high end restaurant. When assigning her to the table, her boss said, “oh, she lives in Williamsburg, she’ll know who you are,” or some such thing. When she went to take the two men’s order, they looked at her expectantly like she was going to scream with delight. “Don’t you recognize us?” asked the douchier of the two guys. “Do you…live in Williamsburg?” she asked, at which they scoffed. “Don’t you watch TV?” they asked. “Only when I’m at my parents’ house,” she replied. “Are you on that MTV show about Williamsburg?” They scoffed again. They wouldn’t give up until she guessed who they were, and Williamsburg was the only clue she had to go on. Uncomfortable.

Throughout the course of the meal, they were extremely rude and demanding, although the d-bag’s companion (whom she identified as a gay guy) was significantly nicer. They wanted substitutions, they didn’t didn’t want shallots, and everything was wrong. And still, he wouldn’t give up until she figured out who he was, engaging her in an unpleasant game of Twenty Questions. “Don’t you watch MTV?” he asked again. “Um, sometimes? At my parents’ house?” “Um, ever heard of a show called The Kardashians?” “Vaguely. But I’ve never seen it.” He looked defeated. His companion paid the check and the two left without ever identifying themselves.

We went over clips from Keeping Up With The Kardashians until she could identify him. (This felt like a police line-up.) As it turned out, the “gay guy” was Jonathan Cheban (who the Internet tells me is actually straight?), and the other guy, the one who refused to believe that anyone who has ever watched a television show could possibly fail to identify him, was Rob Kardashian. I guess his plan to get more famous is to badger every poor waitress in the country into figuring out who he is. Less efficient than a sex tape, but at least it doesn’t involve taking his pants off.