Since saying some uncharacteristically nice things about his replacement on Two And A Half Men Ashton Kutcher, Charlie Sheen has enjoyed a little bump (PUN INTENDED) in public perception. “Maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all,” folks are thinking. “I mean, sure he held a knife to Brooke Mueller’s throat, knocked Brittany Ashland unconscious, and threatened to kill Denise Richards (we think), but he was totally nice to Ashton Kutcher, and that has got to count for something!”
Guess what? Sheen’s treatment of Ashton Kutcher was never the issue people had with him. It was his treatment of, and general attitude towards, women that ground our gears. Talking about us like we are sexy children generally doesn’t go over so well, you see. Not to mention the many, many times he’s been accused of assault. Could it really be a coincidence at this point?
Sheen went on the Wendy Williams show yesterday and tried his best to charm his way back into America’s heart. He did this by saying many things that reminded us why we don’t much care for him. On his short-lived relationship with his two “goddesses,” he had this to say:
It kind of ran its course. It was really an experiment, just seeing if you could keep two women together peacefully under the same roof. It’s really hard. Unless they’re lesbians, you know?
That’s right, Charlie Sheen keeps ladies like some people keep livestock. And I’m extremely curious as to what occasion Sheen would ever have to “keep” lesbians…should we check his basement?
On the bullet hole in ex-girlfriend Kelly Preston (whom he maybe accidentally shot):
Maybe she was trying to commit suicide to get out of [our] relationship.
On ex Denise Richards:
[She could stand] to get her hair trimmed. Get rid of all those split ends.
And wait, did Wendy Williams just ask him a trivia question about what his own girlfriends’ names were, and then applaud him for getting it right? Oof. But it seemed like Williams might have been making fun of him in the end, when she compared him to a cross between the lovable neighbor on Three’s Company, and the super rapey Glen Quagmire from Family Guy. Giggity giggity?