You guys! This is the second-to-last episode of this season! Consequently, last night’s episode was ridiculously long, spanning an hour and a half instead of the usual hour. Ready for this? Here we go:
DON’T: Date weird guys.
Remember Clinton? That really awkward guy Amber briefly dated? Well, she broke that off after the whole jail incident (surprise). In a phone conversation with a friend that seems rather staged indeed (thanks, MTV!), we learn that when Amber was in jail, they threw her in the drunk tank. The drunk tank? What, was she smashed at the time? Who knows, but she says it taught her a lesson. She also reminds us that she has custody of Leah right now and she really hopes it stays that way.
DO: Take some time out of your busy day for tea.
In other news, Amber doesn’t know when her court date is yet, but she just found out that she and Gary have a meeting with Child Protective Services this week. Gary’s mom stops by Amber’s to talk about what the plan is, though Amber doesn’t do much more than bitch about how hard it is to coordinate everything around the no-contact order. She says that CPS hadn’t had any trouble with Amber yet, so she’s hoping that the good faith she’s built up with them will play in her favor. She starts making the trademark scrunchy Amber crying face, but distracts herself with Leah, who is being adorable as always. The three of them have a tea party around the coffee table. It’s… actually kind of cute. Amber may be a fuck-up, but every so often, we get glimpses of a mom who does in fact care about her kid.
DON’T: Hang out with the same friend more than once.
Amber’s mom has offered to take care of Leah while Amber goes to counseling, so off they go, while meanwhile, Gary sits down with his friend Evan at some nondescript restaurant somewhere for another staged conversation. Has anyone else ever noticed how we never see any of the cast’s friends more than once? Seriously I have NO IDEA who any of these people are. They just show up for one scene, then vanish into the ether again. Anyway, this particular staged conversation is about how Gary feels about the whole situation in general and the CPS meeting tomorrow specifically. Gary is hoping that CPS will decide at the end of tomorrow that they don’t need to be involved. Dramatic irony: We already know how this is going to go, and it’s not the way that Gary wants it to. Drama!
DON’T: Let your daughter throw up everywhere.
Counseling seems to have gone well, but Amber is still freaking out about the CPS meeting tomorrow, so Krystal stops by with her son so that Amber can unload. Amber also appears to be wearing crazy fake eyelashes, which kind of make her eyes look like parasitic creatures attached to her face. While they’re chatting, Amber’s mom brings Leah back home. Leah and Krystal’s kid clearly adore each other and they run off to play together… and then Leah throws up. She doesn’t look like she’s sick, so Amber’s not really sure what’s going on, but she pops her in the tub while Krystal gets her clothes in the washer. After Krystal and Amber’s mom head off, Amber curls up in bed with Leah. Awww.
The next day, we learn that Leah was throwing up all night; but they’ve still got the meeting with CPS to go to, so off to the babysitter Leah goes.
DO: Take your sick child to the doctor.
Post-meeting, everything seems to have gone well—but CPS will continue to check in on Amber and Gary for at least a few more months. Gary picks Leah up and takes her to the doctor, after which he calls his mom. Leah, it seems, has strep throat and two ear infections, one on each side. Poor kid. They’ve also got a court date now, at which they’re hoping to get the no-contact order dropped.
When Amber gets home, she remarks that SHE’S got a sore throat now, too. Looks like she caught Leah’s strep, because that’s what happens when you let your strep-ridden kid sleep in you bed all night. Krystal stops by with stuff to make cupcakes, because gee, isn’t that just the thing to do when you’ve got strep? While they’re baking—well, while Krystal’s baking and Amber watches—Amber gives her the lowdown on what happened in the meeting. She talks mostly about how weird it was that she and Gary weren’t even able to make eye contact. Amber, naturally, is a little put out that CPS not only isn’t stopping coming, but is sticking around for so much longer. Then they ice their troubles away.
I’d like to note that at this point, the commercial break featured an ad for Awkward with the catchphrase, “16 and NOT pregnant!” Hoorah for self-reflexive comedy!