Parenting Lessons from Teen Mom: The Only Real Way to Settle Things Is With a Cage Match


DO ignore weird texts from your ex.
It’s finally winter break for Maci, and boy is she glad. She, Kyle, and Bentley are hanging out at home (Note: Bentley is wearing a Woody from Toy Story costume. Maci is wearing Woody’s hat. And Kyle has somehow jammed a child-sized Buzz Lightyear costume over his head, where it drapes awkwardly around his neck. Domestic bliss!) when she gets a text from Ryan saying, “Tell your boyfriend that we need someone else at work.” That’s… kind of weird, right? Kyle certainly thinks so. They don’t really do anything about it, though; maybe if they ignore it, the awkward will just go away. Maci changes the subject and notes that she hasn’t registered for classes for next semester yet. She REALLY doesn’t want to go back, but she knows she should—a college degree being kind of important for her and Bentley’s future and all. Crisis!

DO bitch about school as much as possible.
Later, Maci goes out for ice cream with Bentley and a friend. Maci tells her friend about Ryan’s whack-o text, and believe you me, the friend’s reaction is a priceless half-guffaw, half-spit-take. Maci bitches about school again—AGAIN—and her friend reminds her that in the long run, it’s kind of a good idea. Let’s start a running tally of how many times Maci bitches about school, shall we? That’s two this episode so far.

DO seek your mother’s counsel.
Ryan’s mom picks Bentley up, and Maci worries that between Ryan and school, she’s missing too much time with her son. So naturally, she goes to talk to her mom, who, like everyone else, tells her that even though she may not like it, she needs to look at school as something she absolutely HAS to do, for both her own sake and Bentley’s. Maci’s mom also reminds her that she went to school while Maci was young and that it didn’t scar her for life; Maci, however, counters that she remembers crying every time her mom left. The school bitch-fest count is now up to three. They talk in circles for a while—I predict that Maci probably won’t get her ass in gear and will drop out of school—and then Maci brings up Ryan’s text. Maci’s mom also thinks it’s weird, because it is. It’s really, really weird. Ryan has also apparently been friending all of them on Facebook, which is even weirder. Maci’s mom is the only one of them who ignored it. HA.

DO stay in school.
This one is important, kids! When the day finally comes for her to make a decision, Maci calls her academic advisor and asks what would happen if she took a semester off. Because he is an advisor, he advises her that it would be a bad idea. He tries to give her a pep talk—she’s capable of succeeding, and so on and so forth. After she hangs up, she admits that she does need to go back to school. She’ll take Bentley with her in her backpack. I now have this image of Maci carrying Bentley around the same way Luke carried Yoda around during his Jedi training sessions. Maybe Bentley is Yoda in disguise.

You can reach this post's author, Lucia Peters, on twitter.
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    • rita

      Well, now I don’t need to watch this weeks episode (which i have to do at work during my lunch break anyway, because my fiance banned it from our tv, ha) but I loved this!! especially Bitch Farrah. Can someone please help this girl with her attitude problem?!