Throughout this show’s entire absurd run, Nancy has depleted our empathy for her in a plethora of fun-to-watch ways. This is a woman who’s lied, abused her magic vagina powers, set things on fire, and gotten people killed, all while sipping lackadaisically on venti low-fat lattes. But despite it all, her abiding love for her sons remains her sole redeeming virtue, and we got to see that in action again last night thanks to Shane and Silas’ respective slip-ups.
Doug Wilson continues to function as an unwitting vessel for social satire, and for that, I love him. He derides the greedy, pension-happy SEC employees for “wanting to get fat without having to work for it” (white collar crime totally counts as work), and responds “that’s awesome!” when gifted with cigars hand-rolled by Venezuelan child slaves. The glee with which he holds up homemade signs informing the nerdy SEC lady her company’s acronym stands for “Sucks Everyone’s Cock” makes me glad he’s not dead or in jail yet, even though he is in many ways the show’s least redeemable character.
Everyone’s dismissal of his Copenhagen wheel has finally caused Uncle Andy to snap, so when he and Silas go to have a few words with the sneaky, double crossing, wordsmith behind Pouncey House Party Rentals, he decides it’s a good idea to kidnap her using a nail gun. In response to Emma’s assertion that he can’t hurt her in broad daylight, he screams out his plans of murder and the Columbia populace continues to walk by without a second glance. “See, nobody’s pausing their ipods for you!” he observes correctly. Yup, sounds about right.
Back at the upside down bike shop, Silas engages in some spicy banter with his former lover that makes me think he is totally going to sex her and let her steal his things again. But how, you ask, could this thing happen when Silas is a generally rational, non-pussy-starved young man who is able to learn from his mistakes? This will happen because Emma is basically Nancy II, what with her sexual trickery and trashy hair extensions, and if there’s anything I know about guys with mommy issues, it’s that they will do anything for a fuckable version of their overbearing matriarch. Also, way to tell her about the Botwin Body Count, you fruit water modeling bonehead. I hope the resulting choke sex is worth it. (Like mother, like son.)
Nancy steps in to clean up both messes like only a mother could: by flirting with a crooked cop. But first, she lectures the inferior mini-her on why she should step the fuck off, to which Emma responds with the bitchiest bitch face that ever did bitch:
Then, she marches down to the police station and convinces Officer Wallette that Shane stole the Pouncey House file not to gain the approval of his drug dealing mother, but to try to protect his older brother from any damage his naughty new girlfriend might inflict on him. “Bunch of grad students up at Columbia. Intellectual fucks. Never been a major priority for us, frankly,” he says, confirming the stereotype that cops don’t even respect people who read books enough to arrest them. (This is especially ironic in light of the recent sentencing of real life Columbia drug dealer Harrison David, of which I’m sure Jenji Kohan is aware.)
But wait! While his mom’s magic vagina was convincing the cop to bust Pouncey House, Silas’ magic penis was convincing ol’ Pinwheel Eyes McLaw (OF COURSE SHE IS A LAW STUDENT) to join forces with his team of chiseled stoners! But neither mother nor son knows what the other has done yet, because they’re both too busy having celebration sex with their frenemies to answer the phone! I expect this will create some problems in the season’s final two episodes.
Amazing Quote Of The Week:
Emma, to Silas: “You guys might be the most fucked up family I’ve ever come across. And I went to private school.” You know you’re in trouble when Michelle Trachtenberg is the voice of reason.