Comedy Central has released the first round of roasters for the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen, and while it’s an eclectic group, we’re wondering why no ladies made the first cut. Among the group, you’ve got got Mike Tyson, TMZ’s Harvey Levin joining Roast Master Seth MacFarlane. But Charlie obviously touched (literally and figuratively) a lot of women — so here are the ones we’d like to see take the stage.
The others announced were Jackass star Steve-O and roast favorites Jeffrey Ross and Anthony Jeselnik — with that mix of celebrity and comedian in mind, here are our choices.
Natalie Kenly and Bree Olson: Of course Charlie’s ex-goddesses have to be there — due to how bizarre their threesome/Playmate equation was, but also because it ended so badly. Not surprisingly, neither the model (Natalie) nor the porn star (Bree) was comfortable being Charlie’s live-in lovers, and often competed with each other. But now that they’ve both left him high and dry, we bet they’d team up to tell some more juicy stories from Casa Sheen.
Lisa Lampanelli: She’s a fixture at these things, having served on roasts for Pam Anderson, Flavor Flav, and David Hasselhoff.
Whitney Cummings: She’s crazy ubiquitous these days, especially ’cause of her new sitcom Whitney. And of course she’ll happily take the opportunity to remind Charlie that she has a sitcom, whereas he doesn’t anymore.
Brooke Mueller: As you might’ve guessed, this list is split between “Charlie’s exes” and “female comedians.” Brooke and her crazy eyes should take a break from hanging out with Paris Hilton and take some potshots at Charlie. She’d be a tough sell, since he’s assaulted her and caused her emotional damage. But we already know from The World According to Paris Hilton that Brooke can crack a joke with the best of them, like when she ragged on Capri Anderson, the escort Charlie locked in his bathroom during his bender at the Plaza.
Roseanne Barr: Not that we need to vet her, but Roseanne wrote this kick-ass essay in New York Magazine a few months ago: When asked for her thoughts on Charlie’s clashes with Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre, she launched into a rant about working on a feminist show in the misogynistic TV industry. She already has the makings of her first joke: “Charlie Sheen was the world’s most famous john, and a sitcom was written around him.”
Comedy Central will announce more roasters as we get closer to the roast date, so we’ll see if our predictions match up! The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen airs Monday, September 19 at 10 p.m.