Have you guys been watching Russian Dolls? It’s a new reality show that debuted recently on Lifetime about (you guessed it) the lives of eight Russian women living at Brighton Beach. Needless to say, yes, it does bear some similarities to several OTHER popular reality shows which shall go unnamed, and yes, it’s just as appalling as those aforementioned shows. Ready for this? Grab a bottle. Doesn’t have to be vodka. Stick a straw in it. Here we go.
Brighton Beach is mentioned: Take a drink.
Someone talks about the importance of family: Take a drink.
A blonde appears: Take a drink.
A NATURAL blonde appears: Take two drinks!
The rare and fabled brunette appears: Take THREE drinks!
A fur coat appears: Take a drink for each coat.
Someone sings: Take a drink.
Someone sings opera: Take a drink and belt out an aria.
Jewelry is purchased: Take a drink.
HUGE jewelry is purchased: Take two drinks and put on some bling.
Something reminds you of Jersey Shore: Take a drink.
Something reminds you of Real Housewives: Take one drink for Miami, two drinks for New York, three drinks for Atlanta, four drinks for New Jersey, five drinks for Beverly Hills.
Russian bathhouse!: Take a drink each time they go to the Banya!
Something animal-print appears: Take one drink for leopard, two drinks for zebra.
Generational tension happens: Young adults to older adults: Take one drink. Older adults to grandparents: Take two drinks. Young adults to grandparents: Take three drinks.
Tension over exactly when one should start having babies happens: Take a drink for each disagreement.
Someone makes borscht: Take a drink and eat your borscht.
Someone gets embarrassed: Take a drink.
Stereotyping happens: Take one drink.
It’s cultural: Take a drink and defy it.
It’s gender-based: Take a drink and defy it.
It’s both cultural and gender-based:</strong: Take two drinks and defy it twice as strongly.
A fight happens: Take a drink.
A beauty contest happens: Take a drink.
An actual matryoshka doll appears: Drain the bottle.