• Sun, Aug 21 2011

Exclusive: 10 Probable Reasons Why Nickelodeon Banned ‘Cry Baby Lane’

9) Kenneth
Remember when I mentioned that Frank Langella had a creepy assistant? That assistant is Kenneth. Kenneth is his nephew, and he’s, shall we say, an odd duck. Frank Langella eventually figures out that all gravesites have a root around them that goes all the way down into the heart of the person buried there. When the root is yanked up, the person’s spirit is set loose. Remember that root that Carl pulled up at the cemetery? You’ve got it. So Frank Langella figures that if they go to Cry Baby Lane and release the spirit of the good twin, maybe it can counteract the evil twin’s spirit. Before he can do that, though, Andrew’s buddy Hall shows up—possessed—and somehow beats Frank Langella unconscious with a plastic sword. Who’s going to take Andrew to Cry Baby Lane Now?

Why, Kenneth, of course. Here is what Kenneth proceeds to do:

  • He drives recklessly, putting himself and Andrew in danger.
  • He says he a license.
  • He doesn’t actually have a license.
  • He tries to outrun a cop (who is, to be fair, possessed, but it’s still a cop).
  • He forgets where they’re going.
  • He realizes he doesn’t actually know how to get to Cry Baby Lane.
  • He loses control of the vehicle, landing them in a cornfield.
  • And finally, when he and Andrew are attacked by a deranged farmer driving some huge scary piece of farming equipment, he leaps back in the car and locks the door. Yes, the thresher runs over him.

 

What a great role model! And what a terrifically graphic way to die!

10) A Not-So-Happy Ending
It’s a kids movie, so you’d expect it to have a happy ending, right? Well… not quite. Yes, Andrew manages to defeat the hordes of possessed people stalking him. Yes, he finds the good twin’s grave. No, he doesn’t pull the root out. Instead, he gets transported to the evil twin’s grave and swallowed by the ground, just like Carl. While he’s down there, he does manage to reconnect the root with the evil twin’s skeleton’s heart… and when he awakens above ground, it seems like everything is back to normal. Kenneth apparently survived the thresher without a scratch; the Rogue Gangs of Teenage Girls have disbanded; Frank Langella didn’t get killed by the plastic sword; and Andrew even reconciles with his brother. But just before the credits roll… you guessed it: Creepy laughter echoes through the town. Cue the dramatic music.

And that, my friends, is Cry Baby Lane. What do you think? Was it shocking enough to deserve being banned for eleven years?

(Psssst: If you want to see it for yourselves, this may help!)

You can reach this post's author, Lucia Peters, on twitter.
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