5) Rogue Gangs of Teenage Girls
Naturally, the killer dog is just the beginning of the trouble. Whatever weird spirit Andrew and Carl released when Carl yanked up that root turns anything it touches into absolute evil. This includes the girls they brought to the séance and all their friends, who are now running about in what the radio calls “rogue gangs of teenage girls.” Their eyes glow just like the killer dog’s, and they wreak havoc wherever they go. Also, they are girls! Girls are dangerous! Girls will lead your sons astray!
6) The Dude Underground
Andrew, both pissed off at his mother for being too overprotective and fervently wishing he could grow a pair, decides that he’s worried enough about one of the girls he and Carl brought to the séance and sneaks out at night to go see her. Carl, impressed and suddenly being less of an asshole, tags along, though when Andrew’s 9-year-old buddy Hall tries to come, he sends him home. While they’re on their way, Carl dares the newly-testicled Andrew to bike across a set of train tracks when there’s a train approaching. Carl makes it; Andrew doesn’t and stops short beforehand. While they’re separated by the train, though, Carl gets transported to the cemetery and subsequently swallowed by the ground. While he’s down there, he meets the evil thing that’s terrorizing the town, which I’ll call The Dude Underground. The Dude Underground is creepy and insane and has really long fingers—sort of like a teenaged version of Slender Man. I’m unclear as to why The Dude Underground appears to be a teenager of roughly Carl’s age when the dates on the headstone showed the kid’s age to be seven, but whatever. What parent wants their kid hanging out with Slender Man?