The Burger King King was found dead in his Santa Monica home late last night, suspected to have fallen victim to a mixture of prescription drug overdose, un-treated syphilis, and the fact that everyone found him way creepy. Lindsay Lohan could not be reached for comment.
Just kidding, he was murdered by his very own parents, namely, the advertising department at Burger King. In an effort to appeal to “Mom,” the King has been “retired” and replaced with…a bunch of fucking avocados. Say what?
Via USA Today:
In a new ad campaign set to air this weekend, Burger King will nationally roll out the California Whopper on Monday, made with what’s arguably the gastronomic trend of 2011: guacamole. In a serious image twist, the entire commercial shows only the sights and sounds of the fresh ingredients being washed, sliced and diced. There are no words, just pulsating music.
This is exactly just what moms like! Provided your mom is a candy-flipping raver from the mid-nineties, of course. “OMG guys,” she will exclaim, “I think this is like, the smoothest anything has ever tasted in my mouth. I want to make cosmic love to it.” And then she will take off all her clothes and rub herself with the exotic new food known as “guacamole,” as moms are wont to do. And this guacamole will be from Burger King. Sounds like a no-fail strategy to me.
R.I.P., you monarch of monarchs. May a chorus of Whoppers sing you to your rest.