Time to toss the rosé, girls—there’s a new pink drink in town, and she came to party. It’s called Qream, it comes in the femme-friendly flavors of Strawberry and Peach, and even though it’s a Créme liqueur, it’s 95% lactose-free and low-cal!! THE FUTURE IS NOW. It might seem a little strange that the name of this milky-looking alcohol ditches a more traditional “C” for the “Q,” but I say You Go Qirl—we’ve got enough C-words in this world already, amirightladies?
But seriously, why the Q? Well, according to the concoction’s creator, rapper Pharrell Williams, it is a “truly elegant experience for the modern day queen and her court of friends.” Awwww, hear that ladies? To him, we’re all just a bunch of queens. Sounds like somebody’s been watching What Women Want on repeat. And what women want, obviously, is to get royally drunk, amirightladies?
If you feel a little funny drinking something for us that’s not by us, just hear Mr. Williams out. He told Rap-Up, “I looked at the market, I looked at the holes out there, and it felt like indulgence and women were two things that were being neglected.” Maybe they’re neglected because you’re supposed to do more than LOOK at the holes, amirightladies?
As delicious as a Peach Créme martini sounds, I found some holes of my own in Pharrell’s logic and, much like me, they need some plugging. There are lots of women’s drinks on the alcohol market, and I’m not just talking about the Razzamatazz Smirnoff Ice. For starters, what about Real Not-Actual Housewife Bethenny Frankel’s Skinnygirl Cocktails? Only 134 calories per 5 oz. serving, y’all! The only way to get lower-calorie than that is to not drink—and clearly that’s not an option. Her SG Margarita was so popular, she launched a Sangria version. Bonus is that it’s white wine, so now the only stains you’ll have to worry about are from your tears after you finish a whole bottle by yourself!
Or what about Nuvo, the sparkling liquor? What do we ladies love more than sparkles, seltzer, and getting soused? Answer: finding a husband. But until we do, there’s Nuvo. According to their website, it’s the “ultimate accessory,” like a sassy belt for your liquor cabinet. It’s also a “lifestyle choice for trendy individuals,” kind of like alcoholism is for sad people.
And speaking of pink drinks, I’d be doing my three-day hangover a real disservice to leave out X-Rated Fusion, “a sensuous blend of ultra-premium French vodka and rich blood oranges, mingling with mangos and passion fruit.” Single Lady Tip: Always drink a liqueur that is sexier than you. While your drink mingles with mangoes, you’ll be mingling with MAN(gos). Their website even provides XPerience tips like how to Flirt Fabulous or host Pajama Parties.
My point is that the market is more saturated with lady alcohol than people might think, and I’m just happy to see how far we’ve come. You can forget Pharrell and run to your local liquor store right now and marvel at all the options we have. Or, in the words of Inglourious Basterds‘ Hans Landa, you can “wait for the qréme.”